Bad News Bears Page #6

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Hey, I'm just trying to help.

Where's the honor and respect for the

game from the former pro, by the way?

Who the hell are you, Shoeless Joe

walking out of the holy cornfield?

I don't buy that sh*t.

I'm calling the game.

All right, call it. Quit. Quit

the whole league. What I just said.

All right, call it. Quit. Quit

the whole league. What I just said.

- Forfeit.

- Time!

It's over.

Bears forfeit! Game over!

One, two, three, Bears!

You guys look like

the last sh*t I took.

- It's not that bad, but...

- Shut the hell up, drunk bastard!

Okay.

Hey, Bears,

thanks for batting practice.

Yeah, you guys suck.

- I'll give you batting practice!

- Come here. Come here.

- Get down off of there.

- Get your hands off of me!

Thanks. I really needed another

reason for people to laugh at me.

- Need a ride?

- Go away.

Come on, hop in.

I'll take you home.

I'm not going home.

All right, what's wrong?

My dad's not from here.

He thinks baseball's stupid.

He says I should just worry

about school and work.

But I want to do the things

my friends do.

You know, American things.

He said if I played,

I'd just embarrass myself.

I guess he was right.

I'm just gonna run away.

Where are you gonna go?

Salt Lake City.

Why the hell would you want

to go there?

I hear it looks like Washington D.C.

Listen, kid, you don't want

to go to Salt Lake, trust me.

They don't even like Africans

up there.

- Armenian.

- Yeah, right.

- Anyway, I think I can help you.

- Yeah?

- Yep.

- How?

Here's what you do.

You go home, you look your old

man straight in the eye, and you say,

"Guess what, Dad, we won today."

You know.

- But we didn't win.

- Well, I know that.

You lie your ass off. It's the only way.

Look, this is America.

Besides that, you know,

he's not going to know.

He's from Riki Tiki Tavi,

or wherever the hell it is.

I used to do it with my pop

all the time.

- Really?

- Yeah. You just tell them

what they want to hear. You know,

"I didn't take the stereo."

"I don't smoke." "She said

she was 18." You know, stuff like that.

It's all part of growing up.

The important thing is that you're right,

and they're wrong.

Maybe I'll just tell him we tied.

You could do that. That'll work.

Now, come on,

I'll take you home. Let's go.

A hundred and eighty bucks?

That's Norma Kamali. It's vintage.

They can't even make rayon

like that anymore.

- Really?

- Hey, does your mother know

you're selling that crap?

What are you doing here?

Just passing by.

After three years?

Three years?

It's been three years?

Well, you sure are growing up fast,

that's for sure.

Not fast enough, if you ask me.

There's plenty of time for that,

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