Back to School Page #4

I don't fit in, you know?

I got one friend... Derek.

He's got no friends.

The girls don't like me,

the fraternities don't want me.

The diving coach

won't even talk to me.

Look at it this way...

at least you're getting

an education.

Dad, last semester

I got nothing but "Cs."

A, B, C...

you're in the top three.

What are you worrying about?

I just think I'd be

a lot better off...

gettin' a job or something.

You never went to college.

Look how great you're doin'.

Jason, I said it before

and I'll say it again.

I don't care how rich

and successful a man is.

Without an education,

he's nothing.

I mean, stay in school.

Study harder.

You can be whatever

you want to be.

You want to be a loser,

be a loser.

You want to be a winner,

be a winner.

Jason, it's up to you.

You can do it.

Remember, you're a Melon!

Dad, that's easy for you to say.

You don't have to do any of it.

OK, then.

I'll do it with you.

What do you mean,

you'll do it with me?

I mean just what I said.

I'm going to college.

What do you think?

What do I think?

I think you're nuts.

Nuts, huh? Who made the rules?

Come here. I'm going to college!

I'm going to college!

Let me get this straight,

Mr. Melon.

You wish to enter

this widely esteemed...

Grand Lakes University of ours

as a freshman?

That's right, Dean Martin.

- Are you comfortable?

- I'm fine, yeah.

Oh, the chair. I'm sorry.

This is an awkward moment

for me, Mr. Melon...

since I realize you're

a highly respected member...

of our business community.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Our student body here

is handpicked by me...

from the crme de la crme...

of students all across

this great land of ours.

That's one of the things

I like about this place.

Yes. The point is, though...

since you have

no high school diploma...

and no transcripts of any kind,

no S.A.T. Scores...

and you're 30 to 40 years older

than our average freshman...

how can this university

ever see its way clear...

to accept you as a student?

As Calvin Coolidge once said...

"The business of America

is business"...

and the business of

an educational institution...

such as ours

is to create young minds...

that understand that

the business of America...

is the kind of business

that it actually is.

So, whatever it is that

I have said here today...

the point is

that we are here to honor...

our most generous benefactor...

and newest freshman...

the man who's

made it possible...

for us to break ground

here today...

Mr. Thornton Melon.

Dean Martin, great speech.

There's nothing like good,

clean business, huh?

And a little monkey business.

Oh, Philip. I'm so glad

you could make it.

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