Back to School Page #3

You're all right, officer.

Here, a little something

for the kids.

- Take that, it's OK.

- I don't have any kids.

No kids? Well, here,

get yourself some kids.

Take it all, all right?

And just remember...

the best thing about kids

is making 'em.

Even if I do manage

to graduate... ha ha...

what do I do then?

There's the private sector...

but look how bad

the job market is.

There's Valerie Desmond.

See you guys.

Look how tight

her ass is today.

Oh, man. You think

there's any way...

she would ever go out with me?

- No.

- Oh, thanks.

It's this whole stupid

capitalist system, you know?

It's set up to heap rewards...

on the advantaged

and the aggressive...

and to make sure

that two regular schmoes...

like you and me never get a date

with girls like Valerie Desmond.

I hate the whole bourgeois

mentality of this school.

Let me ask you

something else, man.

Do you make this bullshit up

as you go along...

- or do you actually read this?

- I read this. It's Karl Marx.

Famous book.

"Proletarian Chicks in Bondage."

It's a Condom House book.

Comes with a leather hood.

Is that the one

with the pictures?

- Can I borrow that?

- Let's move on.

Well, no, it's, you know...

Oh, yeah. Well, you know.

Dad, what are you doin' here?

I'm robbin' your room,

that's what I'm doin' here.

We drive 300 miles

to see the kid...

that's the greeting we get.

Come here, will ya?

How ya doin' there?

I'm sorry.

I'm really glad to see you...

but I wish

I knew you were coming.

I'll bet you did, huh?

I looked for you

at that fraternity house.

- They said you weren't a member.

- I can explain that.

They also told me

you're not on the diving team.

They said you were

the towel boy.

- I can explain that, too.

- OK, explain it.

- I lied.

- Great. That explains it, huh?

Jason, you don't lie to me.

You lie to girls.

Who's this?

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is my roommate.

That's Derek Lutz.

This is the dad,

and that's Lou.

- Is that your real hair?

- What do you think?

I think you're trying

to get back at your parents.

Show me the campus.

I want to talk to you.

Oh, good.

Boy, what a great-lookin' place.

When I used to dream

about going to college...

this is the way

I always pictured it.

Wait a minute. When did you

dream about going to college?

When I used to fall asleep

in high school.

Dad, I know how much

all this means to you...

- and I'm sorry I lied to you.

- You don't have to lie to me.

No matter what you do,

I'll love you just the same.

Will you love me

no matter what?

No matter what.

- I'm droppin' out.

- You're droppin' out?

You just got here.

You just started.

I know,

but I'm not making it here.

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