All American Christmas Carol

THIS YEAR. -BABY, YOU SHOULDN'T USE

THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. -WHAT? "SCREW'S"

NOT A BAD WORD, WAYNE. HEY, CAN YOU, UM,

PUT ALL THIS ON YOUR TAB? -CIND, I GOT TO PAY

YOUR RENT TOMORROW, AND CHRISTMAS IS RIGH AROUND THE CORNER, AND WINK'S NOT BEEN GIVING ME

THE OVERTIME HOURS THAT I NEED. -PLEASE? -OKAY. -[ CHUCKLES ] [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] - ON THE 12th DAY OF CHRISTMAS,

MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME 12 DRUMMERS DRUMMING,

11 PIPERS PIPING 10 LORDS A-LEAPING,

9 LADIES DANCING 8 MAIDS A-MILKING,

7 SWANS A-SWIMMING 6 GEESE A-LAYING 5 GOLDEN RINGS 4 CALLING BIRDS,

3 FRENCH HORNS 2 TURTLEDOVES AND A PARTRIDGE

IN A PEAR TREE -CINDY, CAN WE TURN THE LIGHTS

ON THE TREE THIS YEAR? -NO, BABY, IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE. -THIS CHRISTMAS IS GONNA SUCK --

JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM. -HEY! DON'T SASS ME. BESIDES,

I AIN'T NEVER READ ANYWHERE THAT CHRISTMAS

HAS TO HAVE LIGHTS. YOU KNOW, THE STARS IN THE SKY WAS ALL THEY HAD

BACK IN THE DAY. -BUT --

-BUT NOTHING. ZIP IT. -DON'T ZIP ME.

YOU AIN'T MY MAMA. RANDY'S MY DADDY. -ZIP IT, OR GO BACK

TO YOUR OWN TRAILER. -[GRUNTS] -THANK YOU, CONSTANTINE. YOU MAY BE DEAD,

BUT YOU'LL LIVE ON FOREVER, HERE ON THE

"MASTERS OF MUSIC." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. -DANG. [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] -[ SIGHS ] -HOW FAR CAN THAT THING SHOOT? -WELL, IT, UH, DEPENDS

ON THE TRAJECTORY OF THE PIPE. DO YOU KNOW

WHAT TRAJECTORY MEANS? -NO. -[ SIGHS ] IT'S THE ANGLE

AT WHICH A FLYING OBJECT TRAVELS THROUGH THE AIR -- MOST COMMONLY USED BY,

UH, BALLISTICS EXPERTS, BUT CAN BE APPLIED

TO PAINTBALL, AND, UH...OF COURSE,

SANTA'S SLEIGH. -OH, YEAH. OF COURSE.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. [ ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES ] [ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ] -HEY, LOOK AT YOU ALL GROWN UP.

[ CHUCKLES ] -HEY, RANDY. -SHOOT-DANG, RANDY. I SAW YOUR MATCH ON TV

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