All American Christmas Carol Page #2

LAST WEEK. YOU WERE AWESOME. -[ CHUCKLES ] YOU LIKE THAT? A LITTLE CHOKE HOLD

WITH THE RATTAIL -- MY SIGNATURE MOVE. SAY...ARE YOU LOSING WEIGH THERE, TWINKS? -I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE A LITTLE

RIGHT AROUND HERE. -YEAH. [ SNIFFS ] -WHAT A-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING

BACK HERE? -CAME FOR HARLEY'S

DADDY'S FUNERAL. SORRY, BOY.

YOUR DADDY WAS MY BRO. -GEEZ, I FIGURED YOU'D FORGE ABOUT ALL OF US ONCE YOU WENT SEMI-PRO. -WELL, EVEN

WHEN YOU GO BIG-TIME, YOU STILL GOT TO REMEMBER

THE LITTLE FOLK. -HEY! HEY! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? -JAKE MARLEY'S FUNERAL. -NO, NO. I'M NOT PAYING YOU

TO GO TO THE FUNERAL OF CINDY'S KID'S DEAD DADDY. -HARLEY NEEDS ME THERE

FOR SUPPORT. AND IT'S CHRISTMAS! -SHE'S GONNA RUN YOU

INTO THE GROUND. MARK MY WORDS. -I KNOW. I KNOW.

[ ENGINE CRANKS ] -WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? -THAT'S A TATER GUN.

[ CHUCKLES ] YOU WANT TO TRY IT? -HELL YES, I DO.

IS THERE A TATER IN IT? -NOT YET. -WELL, LET'S PUT ONE IN IT. GRAB THE PROPANE. THERE YOU GO.

[ CHUCKLES ] HOW YOU DOING DOWN THERE,

TWINKS? -IT'S GOOD. IT'S COMING ALONG.

-OKAY. GOOD. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD.

THAT'S GOOD. -I'M GETTING LIGHT-HEADED. -YOU DO IT, HARLEY. [ WHOOSH! ] [ ENGINE BUZZING ] [ BUZZING STOPS ] -NICE! -AWESOME. THERE. -HARLEY, COME ON!

WE'RE GONNA BE LATE! OH. YOU'RE HERE. -WELL, I COULDN'T MISS

JAKE'S FUNERAL. IN FACT, I THINK ME AND HIM

DID IT WITH ALL THE SAME PEOPLE,

INCLUDING YOU. [ SNIFFS ] REMEMBER THAT? -TSK. HOW COULD I FORGET?

COME ON. -DADDY! -OH! HEY! OH, MAN.

YOU MISS YOUR DADDY. LET ME GET A LOOK AT YOU. WHOA. -I KNEW YOU'D COME HOME

FOR CHRISTMAS. I KNEW YOU WOULD.

WHAT'D YOU BRING ME? -UM...YEAH. MER-- MERRY CHRISTMAS, HONEY.

[ CHUCKLES ] -OKAY.

[ CLEARS THROAT ] ENOUGH OF ALL THIS SAPPY CRAP, 'CAUSE WE HAVE A FUNERAL

TO GO TO, AND I NEED YOU TO WATCH DOODS

AND SKOAL LIKE I ASKED YOU. -BUT I WANT TO GO, TOO. -BRANDIE,

YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HIM. -DADDY.

-COME ON! -GO ON BACK INSIDE,

AND I'LL BE BACK. -[ SIGHS ] -WHAT WAS DADDY LIKE? -DANG, BOY. WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO

YOUR DEAD DADDY'S FUNERAL, WE GOT RANDY IN TOWN, AND YOU'RE TRYING TO PUT MAMA

THROUGH A POP QUIZ? GIVE IT A REST, OKAY? -I'M JUST ASKING

'CAUSE I THINK IT'S RIGHT. -HE WAS A DUMMY, OKAY? ALL HE CARED ABOU WAS HIS STUPID PAINTBALL, ALWAYS OFF A A DANG TOURNAMENT SOMEWHERE, AND THEN RIGHT BEFORE

HE WAS ABOUT TO GO PRO, RIGHT BEFORE

WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT PRO MONEY FOR ALIMONY, HE HAD TO GO AND DIE --

RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, TOO. WHAT A JERK. NO HELP

WITH THE KIDS' PRESENTS AGAIN. [ SCOFFS ] -WE'RE GETTING PRESENTS

THIS YEAR? -NO, BABY, NOT THIS YEAR. CLAW MACHINE

AIN'T BEEN TOO GOOD TO MAMA. [ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ] -YEAH? -HELLO, THERE. UH, I'M AMANDA --

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