Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death Page #3

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I shall see you there. 7.30.

Oh, hello! Lady on the bike!

Agatha Raisin, new to the village.

Agatha Raisin.

What is it, dear?

I'm your new neighbour... dear.

What? What?

I need a cleaner.

Do you have the name of a cleaner?

It's impossible round here.

I'm lucky enough to have

the Simpson girl on Thursdays,

but she can't possibly fit you in.

Well, you could give me her number

and I could give her a try.

Absolutely not.

Right.

You don't know where

the Simpson girl lives, do you?

All day Thursday, 12 an hour,

and I'll provide lunch.

That's double what I get

from snotty old Sheila Barr.

Will you be making the lunch

yourself?

Mum says all she normally gets is

salad, and she's fed up with them.

No, it'll be good food.

Ready meals, oven chips, mayonnaise.

Excellent. Yeah, go on, then.

You're on, love.

Then why don't you ring Sheila now

and break the bad news?

Yeah, all right.

Hello, dear.

You must have seen them,

littering up the village green.

Bored out of their box. No morality.

Goodness knows

what they get up to.

The bill's on its way, I think.

I just need the ladies.

Nothing that a few years in barracks

wouldn't sort out.

Your bill, madam. Oh, thank you.

As a single woman living alone,

Mrs. Raisin,

if you ever get scared by the noises

of the night, you must call me.

Why?

I could come over and protect you,

if that's what you want.

Any trouble in the night, just call.

It wouldn't be any bother...

to... sort you out.

Now, before I settle this bill,

would you like another malt whisky?

No, two's your limit,

isn't it, darling?

Two's good for me.

Now, tell me, Andy... what normally

wins the quiche competition?

Oh, spinach, usually.

Though, occasionally

my eye gets caught by tomato.

You know you have to submit them

on Friday evening

for judging on Saturday?

Well, I bake a beautiful spinach.

Ella Cartwright usually does

a spinach doesn't she, darling?

I don't recall.

Ella Cartwright?

Is she my main threat?

She wins every year.

Well, I think you'll find

that my quiche

is known for being

the finest in London.

Thank you, madam.

Don't worry about the change.

What a nightmare woman. Hi, Tarzan!

Can she cook? Well, who cares?

I might get her

in the amateur dramatics, though.

She looks a drama queen.

Come on, boy, let's get you

some food. Good boy!

You'll be asked to leave the village

if they find out you're cheating.

But they won't, will they?

Oh, they smell lovely. On the table

over there. Well done, Davina.

Lovely!

That's beautiful! Put the cakes

on the table over there.

Well done.

Agatha Raisin, spinach quiche.

Well done, Agatha.

With quiche, over there.

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