100 Girls Page #2

maintenance man.

Had a call about some rats.

Man in the hall!

Getting my female suspects

just about off their rooms...

was as easy as giving away

free hair-care products to girls.

It was as if I was a perverted

Prince Charming.

instead of Cinderella's glass

slippers, I had her panties

I miss you. What you mean,

you just wanna be friends?

- Get off me!

- Put that away and give me some.

- It's gonna be okay. Come on, baby.

- Jesus, can't you see I'm busy?!

- Put that stupid sh*t away, alright?

- Crick, get off!

It's time to give

me some, alright?

Just relax, alright?

You stapled my ass!

- What are you doing?

- Stop it!

He was gonna kill me.

I just hoped to get in...

a few verbal punches before

he went Mike Tyson on me.

- Who are you?

- I'm Matthew. Your name's Crick.

As in "Crick without a paddle".

I've seen you around.

- You're a natural born hipster.

- Natural born hipster?

The next evolution of a jock.

You traded in your letterman jacket...

for a manicured goatee

and an Euro trash ponytail.

You're the worst kind of cool,

the kind who wears male make-up.

A real fashion plate.

You're living proof of those boy-toy

do of uses in those men's magazines!

I was a goner.

But better me than her.

What was the worse? Crick was

hopped upon nicotine gum.

A chain-chewer. And he chewed

his gum with his mouth open.

I hated that noise.

It was my kryptonite

What the hell are

you doing here?

- I'm here so save her.

- Save her?

How are you gonna do that?

Crick wasn't wearing a shirt.

His nipples stood out like knobs...

on an old TV.

I don't know what possessed me.

Probably his incessant

nicotine-gum chewing.

But my hands reached out like

they were drawing twin guns.

I grabbed his nipples

and did a double twist.

But, somehow, through his blur

of pain, Crick fought back.

He grabbed my nipples

and twisted.

It was tit for tat.

So we faced each other.

Locked in a nipple combat.

Each trying to endure the

retching pains the longest.

Each of us waiting

for the other to blink.

And... I cracked.

I'll be back for your ass!

And I'll deal with you later!

Here, have some Midol.

It does the trick when my nipples

get sore during my period.

Thanks.

Let me see.

They're all bruised.

They are two black eyes.

We should put

something cold on them.

- You're bruised too.

- Don't worry, I'm used to it.

You're Patty, huh? You do that

comic in the school newspaper.

- That's me.

- An art- school girl, huh?

- Is that what you call me?

- No, I wasn't calling you anything.

in high school,

you would have called me a slut.

Now in college,

you call me a good time.

You like my skirt,

but you're thinking:

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