The Change-Up

(BABY WAILING)

Your turn.

(GRUNTS) on, f***.

(GROANS)

(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)

Okay, I'm awake.

Good morning.

You guys are up

a little early today, huh.

Did we have some

nightmares or something?

(CRYING)

Let's see what

you made for daddy.

Let's see.

(GROANS)

I wouldn't like to sleep

with that in my pants, either.

But it did happen

once in college.

(LAUGHING)

Can you leave that

bottle alone, honey?

Can you put it down?

Honey... Sarah...

No, no! Sweetheart!

Damn.

I know. I'll have you back in your

warm little bed in one second.

Here you go.

Back to bed, sweetheart.

You got a fresh,

dry diapy.

Peter...

Peter, please!

Buddy, we talked

about the head thing.

Let me get you

all hooked up.

Hang on, don't fall.

(GRUNTING)

(FARTING)

Oh, no.

Peter... Oh.

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTS)

Okay. A little

something for daddy.

(LAUGHTER ON TV)

(BABIES WHIMPERING)

(COMMENTARY ON TV)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

WOMAN:
Steel, Kuhbach, McCloud Law Firm.

Good morning.

Good morning, Lockwood.

Good morning, Mr. Steel.

Thank you.

How are the kids?

Oh, they're terrific.

Just terrific.

Children are such a joy.

Yes, absolutely.

Always.

Any word on

the Amalgamated merger?

That's all but signed.

And just in time for your

partner review, no less.

Really? Oh,

I hadn't noticed.

I look forward to having

your antic sense of humor

in the partner suite,

Lockwood.

It can get

a touch dry up there.

Thank you so much.

Hmm.

But a Double Windsor?

Come on, son.

This is not the dog track.

No. Yes.

Yeah.

Absolutely not.

Thank you.

Hi.

(IMITATING STEEL) Seriously,

Dave, this isn't the dog track.

Yeah.

Good morning, Sabrina.

Last week he told me my shoes

were dangerously Italian.

(LAUGHS) what?

My turn with

the Amalgamated files?

Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect

the new monthly projections,

and I pre-negotiated

articles 23 through 29.

Okay.

I like the way you had

it before, by the way.

Yeah. Thank you.

(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)

Good morning, Patricia.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. MITCH:
Penis, sh*t,

vagina, cock, wolf pussies.

Mitch. I'm at work.

(LAUGHS) Did I get you?

Yeah. You sure did.

You got me on speakerphone? Yep.

Did the secretary hear?

Yes, the secretary heard.

She heard it all.

(LAUGHS) That's awesome.

Not really.

How stoned are you right now?

I've taken some weed.

Have you?

Mmm-hmm.

Do you know what time it is?

Mmm-mmm.

It's like 9:
00.

Holy f***-knuckles.

Guess what I'm looking at right now.

A bong?

No, I found a futon on

the street last night.

I sort of had to fight a bum for it.

He was so thin.

And it also came with this

vintage Navajo pony blanket...

So I think that's

pretty much a win for me.

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