California Suite Page #15

Sigmund Wednetski, producer.

Directed by Litweil

Zumbredowicz and Stefan Vlech.

Mmm.

I thought they would.

What was the best picture?

The best picture? You were

there when they announced it.

It came after the best actress.

I was in a deep depression

at the time.

What was the best

bloody picture?

Do you mean what was

the best picture of the year,

or what did those idiots pick

as the best picture of the year?

What won the award, you a**hole?

I am not an a**hole.

Don't you call me that.

Sidney, I have just thrown up

on some of the best

people in Hollywood.

Now is no time to be sensitive.

What was the best picture?

- I'm not telling you.

- I'm not asking you.

I'm threatening you, you crud!

- Now I'm definitely not going to tell you.

- I'm sorry.

I take it back, Sidney.

You're not a crud.

God! Definitely.

Am I still an a**hole?

Then I'm never going to tell you.

You behaved abominably tonight.

- Did not. Did not. A**hole crud!

- Abominably. Abominably.

I am going to bed. We have a 10:00 am

plane to catch in the morning.

10:
00 am is the morning.

That is redundant,

you a-h.

Oh, do you think I don't know

what you're saying?

I can spell, you know.

Not without moving

your lips, you can't.

I would like

another drink, please.

You drank everything

in this state. Try Nevada.

Oh, Sidney!

I saw your privates.

You were right.

We should never have come here.

Have you ever seen a greater

assemblage of hypocrites

under one roof in all your life?

Were the hypocrites there?

Why didn't you

point them out to me?

Hypocritical hypocrites.

They love you and Fawn over you

on the way in.

And if you're a loser

when you come out,

it's "too bad, darling.

Give us a call

when you're back in town."

You should have thrown up over

the whole bloody lot of them.

- Sidney?

- Yes?

Was I hit by a bus?

I look as though I was hit by a

fully-loaded, guided tour bus.

Did you notice how quickly

the winners got their cars?

They must have known beforehand

who the winners were going to be

in order for the winners to get

their cars before everyone else.

We've come 6,000 miles for this bloody

affair, and they park our car in Vancouver.

I've aged, Sidney.

I'm getting lines in my face.

I look like a brand-new,

steel-belted radial tire.

Even Litweil zumbredowicz and Stefan

Vlech got their cars before we did.

And then, those little twerps,

they splashed water all over

my trousers as they drove by.

I'm hungry.

- What are you doing?

- I'm phoning room service.

I want some eggs Benedict.

Hello?

Eggs Benedict, please.

You have to ask

for room service first, twit.

Room service, please.

- Twit and a half.

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