Edward Scissorhands Page #5

JOYCE:

Who's handicapped? My goodness! Don't be

ridiculous. You're not handicapped. You're...

What do they call that? Exceptional. My name's

Joyce. And I noticed that you have not tasted

any of the ambrosia salad that I made

especially for you. Allow me.

(Joyce helps Edward to eat.)

WOMAN 1

You must try this.

(Many women flock to him)

MARGE:

(to Edward)

You must try this. It's my mother's recipe.

Let him chew, for heaven sakes with your green

thumb. I could use your help.

HOUSEWIFE:

Me, too. There you go.

WOMAN 2

I want a row of angels.

JOYCE:

Sorry, ladies. But he's promised to come to my

house first.

WOMAN 3

One more.

JOYCE:

Haven't you, Eddie?

EDWARD:

I did?

BILL:

Okay, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on.

EDWARD:

I thought it was shish kebab.

BILL:

What?

EDWARD:

I thought it was shish kebab.

BILL:

Yeah, it, it is shish kebab. It was a figure of

speech, Ed. You got to learn not to take things

so literally.

(On hearing that, Edward looks

back the time the inventor taught

him the etiquette.)

INVENTOR:

Let us pretend we're in the drawing room, and

the hostess is serving tea "Now, many numerous

little questions confront us" "Should the man

rise" "When he accepts his cup of tea?" "May

lump sugar be taken with the things?"

EDWARD:

Hmm, no.

INVENTOR:

Is it good form to accept a second cup? "Now,

should the napkin be entirely unfolded." Oh

should the center crease. Be allowed to remain?

It is so easy to commit embarrassing

blunders. "But etiquette humiliation and

discomfort. Mmm yes, boring. Let us switch to,

Um... To some poetry, Hmm?" "There was an old

man from the cape." "Who made himself there,

but they keep such a beautiful shape." That's

right. Go ahead, smile. It's funny. That's

right.

DENNY:

Okay, guys, we're home. shh.

KIM:

I can't believe. Everything's still sopping.

TEENAGE GIRL:

I can't wait to take a shower.

SUZANNE:

And wash off the mildew.

JIM:

If my parents set the alarm, I'm screwed I'll

sleep in the yard... again.

KIM:

I told you to call to say we're coming back

early.

DENNY:

Did you?

SUZANNE:

He'd rather complain.

JIM:

How else can I be the center of the attention?

You didn't call your parents.

KIM:

They don't run their house like a police

station. Bye. Thanks for driving, Denny. See

you later.

JIM:

See you later. Bye.

KIM:

Don't forget your arm.

JIM:

Oh, yeah.

DENNY:

Come on, Jim let's go.

KIM:

Bill! There's somebody in my room. Go. Look. A

murderer with an axe. He did try to even kill

me.

BILL:

It's all right. It's all right.

( to Kevin)

Go back to bed. It's only Edward.

(to Edward)

This way.

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