Dumb and Dumber Page #4
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1994
- 107 min
- 2,102 Views
Lloyd shakes his head.
LLOYD:
I don't mean to be harsh, Harry, but
let's face it, you are one pathetic
loser. No offense.
HARRY:
None taken. Were you shitcanned,
too?
LLOYD:
Of course not.
(beat)
I quit.
HARRY:
Why'd you quit?
LLOYD:
I had a hunch Arnie was gonna fire
me.
HARRY:
Why didn't you wait and see if
your suspicions were well-founded?
LLOYD:
Winners control their own destiny,
Har.
Lloyd fetches a couple beers from the fridge and throws one to him.
HARRY:
You know, the thing that really chaps
my ass is that I just spent my life
savings turning my van into a poodle.
(beat)
The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
LLOYD:
Big deal. That car's an old bomb
anyway.
HARRY:
What are you talking about? It's
only six years old.
LLOYD:
That's forty-two in dog years.
They open their beers and drink simultaneously. Then Harry notices the briefcase.
HARRY:
What's with the briefcase?
LLOYD:
It's a love memento.
HARRY:
Huh?
LLOYD:
The most beautiful woman alive. Her
name was Mary. I drove her to the
airport. Sparks flew, emotions ran
high, breasts heaved. She left this
case in the terminal and flew to
Aspen and out of my life. End of
story.
HARRY:
What's in it?
LLOYD:
snooping around in someone else's
private property?
HARRY:
Why not?
LLOYD:
(beat)
It's locked.
They take another sip of their beers. Suddenly we hear a LOUD KNOCK at the door. Petey the
parakeet starts to SQUAWK. The guys look at each other, ALARMED, then Harry tip-toes to the
PEEPHOLE.
HARRY'S POV - a DISTORTED-LOOKING J.P. Shay and Joe Mental are standing at the door.
LLOYD:
(WHISPERING to Harry)
Friend or foe?
HARRY:
(WHISPERING)
We don't have any friends.
Harry is still squinting out the peephole.
HARRY:
Can't recognize them. Could be
student loan thugs again, or the IRS,
or maybe somebody pissed off about
that case of Girl Scout cookies you
bounced a check on.
LLOYD:
Hey, I ordered Mystic Mint. The
little swindlers gave me Peanut
Butter Praline.
HARRY:
Well, whoever they are, they look
serious. One of them's even wearing
plaid.
LLOYD:
(cringing)
That's a hostile pattern. I say we
bail and get down to unemployment.
Lloyd GRABS THE BRIEFCASE and the two of them EXIT out the window and down the fire
escape.
CUT TO:
EXT. UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE - AFTERNOON
The poodle van pulls up to the curb in front of the building and PARKS NEXT TO A FIRE
HYDRANT. Lloyd and Harry climb out. Lloyd takes a trash can and places it OVER THE
HYDRANT, COVERING IT COMPLETELY.
INT. STANLEY GRABNER'S OFFICE - UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE - AFTERNOON
STANLEY GRABNER is small, plump, balding, not a lot of laughs.
GRABNER:
Gentlemen, I'm delighted to say that
neither I nor the unemployment
department of the state of Rhose
Island can do anything for you.
(beat)
You've run out of chances. You're
unemployable. Remember last year?
Middle of winter I busted my butt to
get you both prime jobs. Twelve-
fifty an hour, and you went and blew
it!
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