You Don't Mess with the Zohan Page #5

Synopsis: Zohan Dvir works as a Special Agent and lives with his orthodox parents in Israel. He wants to give up this life full of dangerous encounters with Palestinians. While in the process of apprehending a Palestinian activist known simply as the Phantom, he fakes his death, hides in a dog-kennel on a plane bound for New York, and decides to try his hand as a hair-stylist. He is refused employment initially, but when he offers to work for free, Dahlia hires him as a cleaner. When a hair-stylist named Debbie quits, Zohan replaces her, winning over elderly female clientèle, and falling in love with Dahlia herself. Before Zohan could propose to her, Dahlia's landlord, Walbridge, who has been raising rents regularly, hires skinhead goons to terrorize the neighborhood, creates misunderstandings between Jews, Muslims, Arabs, and Palestinians, and drives them out, so as to enable him to construct a new building which is topped by a roller coaster. When Zohan decides to confront these skinheads, he
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Dennis Dugan
Actors: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Nick Swardson
Production: Sony Pictures
  2 wins & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.5
Metacritic:
54
Rotten Tomatoes:
38%
  You Don't Mess with the Zohan Movie Quotes »
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PG-13
Year:
2008
113 min
$100,018,837
Website
3,198 Views

wrapped around my head, squeezing.

So who wants to get some

poontachen?

- I wanna get some poontachen?

- Well, let's get some. Yes.

It's good for you. Nice spinning.

This is what I'm talking about.

You play this.

- I ain't playing this corny sh*t.

- No, no.

I need to set the

mood for my friend.

Get out,

you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf...

- Disco, disco.

- Good, good!

- Disco, disco.

- Good, good!

Yes, hello. Hello.

Hey, Zohan.

Who you looking for!

It's okay, no one can hear me

in disco, Zohan.

Can you believe the poontachat

in this place!

I'm not Zohan.

My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend.

What!

Of course you are Zohan Dvir.

They all think you dead in Israel.

I'm not going to tell.

Tell what!

I don't know what you're talking about.

Zohan, it's okay.

Don't worry, I'm a huge fan.

The way you took out

Abdullah Meda in '94.

And when you made Melami Benazir

eat his own sh*t in '97.

I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.

So, what the fachma

are you doing here!

Come with me.

Look, I couldn't take

all the fighting anymore.

- What's it all for!

- Are you crazy!

If I could blow a terrorist

inside out like you...

...this is all I would do.

I'd never sleep.

- This is exaggeration.

- No, it's not.

You made Palami Habdallah's poodle

sit on a live grenade.

- You gotta show me how you did that.

- I don't remember. I was young.

So tell me the truth.

Why are you in America!

I no want to tell you.

What! What! Come on.

You are the best, Zohan.

Whatever you say is good.

I want to be hairdresser.

You a fagala?

I can't believe it.

A great warrior, but also a fagala

with the penachim.

No, no, no. I like hair.

Come on, man, I get you real job.

You come by my shop tomorrow.

Israeli electronics. Are you crazy!

- Everyone will recognize me.

- No, you don't look like same Zohan.

You have silly haircut now.

- I have what haircut!

- What!

- You say I look silly!

- No, no. Who said this!

- You said this.

- No, no. Nobody say nothing.

I don't need your job.

I get my own job on my own

at a big salon. You will see.

You ever cut a sister's hair before!

Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,

grandpa, the whole family.

I'm good at this.

Have you ever worked

with dreads before!

This is what you do.

No more. This creature slayed.

It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.

He's got me. He's got me. Okay.

Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.

We got you.

And we finish him.

You back away, I take hold of him.

Go! Go! Go out! Go now!

Go!

This is hair. This is hair.

Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh!

A big part of our job here

is making this a fun experience.

Of course, of course.

For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,

Rate this script:3.3 / 3 votes

Adam Sandler

Adam Richard Sandler is an American comedian, actor, and filmmaker. He was a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, before going on to star in many Hollywood films, which have combined to earn more than $2 billion at the box office. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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