You Don't Mess with the Zohan Page #4

Synopsis: Zohan Dvir works as a Special Agent and lives with his orthodox parents in Israel. He wants to give up this life full of dangerous encounters with Palestinians. While in the process of apprehending a Palestinian activist known simply as the Phantom, he fakes his death, hides in a dog-kennel on a plane bound for New York, and decides to try his hand as a hair-stylist. He is refused employment initially, but when he offers to work for free, Dahlia hires him as a cleaner. When a hair-stylist named Debbie quits, Zohan replaces her, winning over elderly female clientèle, and falling in love with Dahlia herself. Before Zohan could propose to her, Dahlia's landlord, Walbridge, who has been raising rents regularly, hires skinhead goons to terrorize the neighborhood, creates misunderstandings between Jews, Muslims, Arabs, and Palestinians, and drives them out, so as to enable him to construct a new building which is topped by a roller coaster. When Zohan decides to confront these skinheads, he

Genre: Comedy

Director(s): Dennis Dugan

Actors: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Nick Swardson

Production: Sony Pictures

2 wins & 1 nomination.


IMDB:: 5.5
Metacritic:: 54
Rotten Tomatoes:: 38%

You Don't Mess with the Zohan Movie Quotes »

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: PG-13
Year:: 2008
: 113 min
: $100,018,837
: Website
: 3,150 Views

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Yes, no, no, no.
This is because I am half Australian...
...half Mount Everest.
So this is what you're hearing.
Well, Australia,
it must be really nice there...
...since they got rid of the apartheid.
Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.
So, Scrappy,
I understand you cut hair.
I will be working
with Mr. Paul Mitchell...
...as soon as I find out
where they are hiding him.
Oh, Mom, Scrappy
doesn't have a place to stay yet.
- Really!
- Not yet.
Well, actually,
there's a nice one-bedroom...
...that just opened up upstairs.
Nice light, not huge.
And they redid the kitchen very well.
- This could be good.
- Could be good.
Could be good.
Hey, Mom,
do you know where the detergent is!
- That's very good.
- Oh, my God!
What! What's the matter!
What's the matter! That's my mom.
- It's okay, Michael.
- I know it's your mother.
She's very beautiful.
Michael, I haven't made sticky
in two days.
- What do you want from me!
- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep!
- Or dead!
- No, Michael.
You do... What's he doing now!
Why'd that happen!
Why'd that happen!
It's okay. Let me talk to him.
Oh, I can't get up.
No, no. You'll feel your legs again
in two hours.
Michael.
Come on, this is nothing
to feel bad about.
Me sexing your mother.
It's beautiful. It's natural.
No, I didn't bring you home
to do it with my mother.
Why not, huh!
You don't want her to be happy!
Did you see her! Did you look at her!
I don't think
I can ever look at her again.
Michael, her face
during the big bang-boom!
You did not see!
She was glowing.
Patches. What are you...!
Michael, come on.
They'll be plenty of time
for you and me.
Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!
How's this!
No, why would I wanna go
to a disco tonight!
Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!
You could use a little stank.
Yes, you need your penachim
to take a swim.
Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.
It wouldn't hurt.
Disco, disco.
Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no!
Come on, you get to disco.
- All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.
- Okay.
I do your mother one more time,
and then we go.
- Wha...!
- Seconds already!
Oh, yes.
Hey. Look at this.
This is what you need, man,
to let off a little steam, huh!
How many times a day do you
make sticky! Two! Five! Twelve!
How many times a day!
I've had sex once in my life.
It was at tennis camp.
It was awful.
You're too picky, Michael.
Maybe that's the problem.
Every weed in the desert
is still a flower.
Look at this. This a big one, eh!
But look at the tits.
These will bounce nice for you.
Your mother, she has huge poopeh.
I mean, very wide.
But what I see are two big, strong legs

Rate this script:3.3 / 3 votes

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Adam Sandler

Adam Richard Sandler is an American comedian, actor, and filmmaker. He was a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, before going on to star in many Hollywood films, which have combined to earn more than $2 billion at the box office. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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You Don't Mess with the Zohan Page #4

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