You Don't Mess with the Zohan Page #3

Synopsis: Zohan Dvir works as a Special Agent and lives with his orthodox parents in Israel. He wants to give up this life full of dangerous encounters with Palestinians. While in the process of apprehending a Palestinian activist known simply as the Phantom, he fakes his death, hides in a dog-kennel on a plane bound for New York, and decides to try his hand as a hair-stylist. He is refused employment initially, but when he offers to work for free, Dahlia hires him as a cleaner. When a hair-stylist named Debbie quits, Zohan replaces her, winning over elderly female clientèle, and falling in love with Dahlia herself. Before Zohan could propose to her, Dahlia's landlord, Walbridge, who has been raising rents regularly, hires skinhead goons to terrorize the neighborhood, creates misunderstandings between Jews, Muslims, Arabs, and Palestinians, and drives them out, so as to enable him to construct a new building which is topped by a roller coaster. When Zohan decides to confront these skinheads, he
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Dennis Dugan
Actors: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Nick Swardson
Production: Sony Pictures
  2 wins & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.5
Metacritic:
54
Rotten Tomatoes:
38%
  You Don't Mess with the Zohan Movie Quotes »
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PG-13
Year:
2008
113 min
$100,018,837
Website
3,128 Views

I wanna know who cuts your hair.

Oh, you like this, eh!

This is the Avalon,

straight from the Paul Mitchell book.

I haven't seen that style

since Luke married Laura.

Sister, are you this Laura!

You tell Paul Mitchell,

Scrappy Coco was here to see him.

If I find out he was here...

...or you are keeping him

hidden from me...

...I will destroy you.

Believe me this.

What the hell was this, champ!

I'm not paying for that!

This a**hole cut me off,

made me swerve into you!

With all due respect,

I was in the bicycle lane.

You came like a madman.

Be glad nobody was hurt.

I mean, somebody could've died.

I mean, you came...

Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.

You do not want to be

throwing bicycles.

Look, stay out of my business,

Mustafa.

"Mustafa"! This is not my name.

Who tells you this is my name!

Whatever.

Salami, bologna, apple sauce.

Apple who!

My friend, if I were you,

I would change the tone.

Avoid the pain.

Listen, go back to your goddamned

pretzel stand. We got it...

- Look what I've got. It's right here.

- Please!

- I've got it.

- Please, let me go.

I never work at pretzel stand.

You like to insult people!

Was that your feet!

Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.

Here comes the double foot.

This is good.

Smell it, smell it, smell it.

Now take it.

- That's for you.

- All right, let me go!

You said you wanted pretzel!

Okay, I'm good.

Beautiful.

You want some chickens!

No, no, no. I fix for you.

It's all b'seder.

What are you, bionic!

No, no, no. I only like the girls.

Thanks, anyways.

This is ridiculous traffic.

Anyway, George insisted

we have the party.

- I always get midnight shift.

- Could you keep it down, please!

I no sleep,

I no see World Series Poker.

Are you even watching the road!

Be nice. He could be a terrorist.

- Why Hamdi no get no midnight!

- Could you at least change the station!

- Hey, that was amazing.

- Oh, yes.

Where are you from, anyway!

Where am I from!

Australia.

Really!

Because you sound Middle Eastern.

No, no, no. Similar accents.

- Kangaroo. You see!

- Sure.

This is ridiculous. We're getting out.

- Come on, dear.

- I've been working longer than Hamdi.

- You want me to get you home!

- No, I'll grab a cab.

You've done enough.

That was crazy.

Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?

Oh, you know you're boning me.

I don't know that.

It's you.

- What is happening!

- What's happening!

It's bullshaklaga.

- We have to go.

- Go where!

- I'll run you.

- What are you doing!

This is legal!

Scrappy, have another kneidlach.

Come on.

You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.

It reminds me of my mother's cooking

in Australia.

Really!

It's funny, you don't sound Australian.

Rate this script:3.3 / 3 votes

Adam Sandler

Adam Richard Sandler is an American comedian, actor, and filmmaker. He was a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, before going on to star in many Hollywood films, which have combined to earn more than $2 billion at the box office. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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