You Can't Cheat an Honest Man Page #3

I'll mow him down.

- Just be quiet.

- I don't care.

For my first experiment,

I call your attention to this mystic cabinet.

Mystic hooey.

- This cabinet is entirely unprepared.

- So are you.

- It consists of three walls...

- And a false bottom. You can see it. Ohh!

- Will you stop it?

- Will you stop that?

This, ladies and gentlemen,

is the little maharajah.

- Where?

- No, you.

Me? Oh, yes. How do you do,

how do you do, how do you do?

- Well, hello.

- Hello.

- Ohh!

- Will you sit back?

My name is Charlie,

but I don't get billing.

- Will you let me finish this experiment?

- Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!

We'll go ahead, and I'll cause this little man

to completely disappear.

- You'll do what?

- And then reappear.

You'd better.

Bet him eight to five he can't,

and I'll double-cross him.

- Are you ready? Are you ready?

- For lunch?

- No, the experiment.

- Oh, yes, yes.

Go ahead. Take it away.

Wait a minute.

What's your phone number? Ooh!

- Will you sit back?

- OK.

- Now we'll go...

- Don't go away.

~ Zazazay, zazazay, za-ow! ~

I now call upon the powers of Yagabamba.

Go!

One smoked ham coming up.

Fine. Now to prove the cabinet is empty

and the maharajah has disappeared,

I will force this sword right through.

- Not yet, not yet, not yet.

- Ahem. Hurry up.

- One, two...

- OK.

Ouch!

There you see for yourself, he has gone.

Now, as quickly as the bullet flies from

the magic pistol, the maharajah shall return.

Oh, you got me.

And there he is.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

- I don't know.

- You don't know.

- Charlie set it up.

- So Charlie's in back of this.

Is he? He said it would

make the trick twice as good.

He did? Well, you've made the trick

just twice as bad.

- Tsk. Is that so?

- Yes.

- It was twice as something.

- Will you get out of here?

Yes, ma'am. Charlie,

will you let me down? Ooh!

That concludes my performance,

ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

- The big show is now going on!

- Telegram for Larceny Whipsnake.

Count your change

before leaving the box office.

- Telegram for Larceny Whipsnake.

- Uh, street gabber?

Telegram for Larceny Whipsnake.

Uh, messenger boy?

- Thank you.

- Larceny Whipsnake?

Gimme that telegram.

It's not "Larceny", it's "Larson E."

And it's not "Whipsnake",

it's "Whipsnade".

- OK, Snake, how about a tip?

- I'll give you a tip.

I'll part your hair with a wagon tongue.

It's an air raid.

Wish that was a gun.

I'd shoot you deader than a mackerel!

That's what I'd do to you, you...

What's that?

Well, I guess you're satisfied.

That's what I thought.

I wanna tell you something.

As long as you're with this show,

cut out those peccadilloes.

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