What Did You Do in the War, Daddy?

1

-Captain Cash, reporting as ordered, sir!

-Oh, rest, Captain.

I don't mean ''parade rest.'' I mean rest!

Actually, I find this rather relaxing, sir.

Damn it to hell, Captain.

Sit down there, will you?

Rank has its privlleges, you know.

The general's aide is privlleged

to be at ease with his CO,

to find out he puts on his pants just

like any other human, one leg at a time.

-Do you want a drink?

-No, thank you, sir.

Privilege of command.

Now, Captain Cash, I have over here

a rather large problem.

-Come here.

-Yes, sir.

Now, there sits the little Sicilian

village of Valerno.

We just learned that it's being held

by an Italian force, company strength.

I don't have to tell you that

everything we've got is in the field.

My only available unit is Company C.

Now, the question is, do we bypass

Valerno or do we knock it out?

Well, going strictly by the book, sir,

we'd better...

-Wait a minute. Shove the book, Cash.

-Yes, sir.

They've got about as many decorations

as Goring times 10.

They're dead beat.

They're due for evacuation.

Now, what do you say?

-Knock them out, sir.

-They've got no leader, you know.

Captain Ellsworth Cody is en route

back to the States

and the lieutenant

who's now in charge is...

Well, I don't want to say he's unstable,

Now, what do you say?

Knock them out, sir.

Well, thanks for your help, Captain Cash,

and good luck.

-Good luck, sir?

-That's right.

I want to see what the book can do.

I'm putting you in command

of C Company.

Yes, sir! Very good, sir!

Yeah, well, we'll see how good it is.

Those are good men, Cash.

Don't waste any of them,

I'll do my best, sir!

-Oh. Wait a minute, Lionel.

-Yes, sir.

Would you do something for me?

Something very simple.

-Sir?

-Max.

Hardly anybody ever

calls me that anymore,

except my mother and the president,

and I don't see much of them.

Just say to me, ''Good night, Max.''

Good night...

All right, all right.AII right, Cash.

That's all. You have things to do.

Good luck.

And welcome to

the brotherhood of command.

Thank you, sir.

Company C?

Company... Who's in charge here?

Ranking officer?

-Who's your ranking officer?

-Got me.

Who's in charge? Your ranking officer.

-We just work here.

-Who's your ranking officer?

Hey, back in line, buddy!

We all got our problems.

-Yeah, will you move on?

-Yeah, come on.

Soldier, yours are just beginning!

Now, what's your name?

-Sergeant Rizzo.

-Rizzo, huh?

Now, where the hell

is your ranking officer?

Hey, sweetheart, he's talking about you!

-You talking about me?

-I've just about had it!

Tell him your whole name, stupid.

Lieutenant Christian.

Lieutenant Jody Christian, serial number...

Can it!

and my first command to you

is to shape these men up.

I want soldiers at my back,

not this cruddy collection of ragpickers.

All leaves are canceled, Lieutenant.

I want these men shaped up!

I'm going now.

Didn't you forget something?

-What did we forget?

-Think. Think.

I think he wants a salute.

Thank you.

Valerno? What is this stuff about Valerno?

Captain, why don't we give them

a chance to surrender?

One man.

We'll send him into

the village with a flag of truce.

Lieutenant, I fully appreciate

the richness of your experience.

and we are going to take Valerno my way.

By the book! Understand?

Yes, your worship.

-What was that?

-Nothing.

Captain Fausto Oppo at your service.

-Do you surrender?

-What the hell do you mean, surrender?

Do not get excited, Captain.

I was merely asking.

-We'd rather die than surrender!

-Really?

Oh, ridiculous! Ask me to surrender!

-Well, will you surrender?

-But of course!

You... Excuse me.

-You really surrender?

-But of course.

But please, Captain,

let us savor this moment.

and the moment of surrender...

-Listen, we have a song for you.

-Yes.

-No, wait...

-We have been expecting you for weeks.

-Captain! Captain, please!

-My children.

The eyes of Texas are upon you

Captain!

All the live long day

The eyes of Texas are upon you

You cannot get away

Captain! Captain!

-Captain!

-You don't like it?

No. No, the song is fine.

Captain... Captain...

Well, this is my village

and these are my children.

Marvelous, just marvelous. Now, we...

-Yes, excuse me. We...

-Excuse me.

We fully, really, really appreciate the song.

But if you'll just round up your men,

we'll move out. Avanti, everybody!

-No, no, no, out? Do you mean...

-Yes, immediately.

-No, no, no, it's impossible.

-What?

-He said it's impossible.

-I know what he said, Christian.

-Then we agree. Why are we arguing?

-Because you have...

Because you have already surrendered,

you know.

-You don't want us to surrender?

-Of course. Of course, I do.

-Well, I surrender!

-All right, then move them out. Everybody!

-Captain, he's trying to tell us something.

-Christian!

Will you keep out of this?

Excuse me. Captain...

Captain Oppo, you...

Yes, very good.

Now, we're making definite progress.

Now, if you have surrendered,

it means that I...

-I am in command, huh?

-But of course, we have agreed, Captain.

Splendid. Now, if I am in charge,

I command you, Captain Oppo,

Captain, it's impossible!

First, there is the matter of the festival.

-The festival?

-Yes, tonight.

There will be drinking,

there will be singing,

there will be dancing in the streets.

I cannot with hold from them such bliss.

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