What's Your Number? Page #4

Now you're at 20.

- Shut up.

- I have to admit

that I just did not think

it was gonna happen this quickly,

but I'm so excited.

Hey, Eddie, Ally's gonna get married.

- Great.

- He's thrilled.

I know you're just being a b*tch,

but maybe he is my husband.

Maybe it's fate. Now we've got

a great story to tell our grandkids.

I don't know

why I never considered him before.

(SNIFFING)

He's not my husband.

(TAP RUNNING)

- Morning.

- Morning.

- Hey, you're out of toilet paper.

- Okay.

Oh, did you make coffee?

No. There's a Starbucks

on your way to the T.

Oh, that's okay.

Did you get the newspaper?

No, no, I don't get that.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

- Morning, 6-C.

- That's not mine.

Okay. I locked myself out of my apartment.

My keys and wallet, everything,

it's over there. Can I use your phone?

Sure, of course, let me just get that.

Hey, Roger, why don't we talk later?

Because I think 6-A really needs my help.

- Colin.

- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.

- Yeah.

So,

how about some dinner tonight?

- Tonight, tonight?

- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, we have that tenants' meeting tonight.

Oh! That's right. Tenants' meeting.

(SNIFFING)

Oh, we're trying to get

this very loud bird evicted.

But why don't I call you later

and we'll figure out

maybe another time

that we can get together.

Okay.

[ALLY]:
Bye.

Hi, I'm Roger.

Hey, do you think the woman

coming out of your apartment

could have helped you

with the "being locked out" problem?

(LAUGHING)

Okay.

Uh, I had a little situation

that I needed to get out of,

not unlike your situation here, so I...

Lied to her, then lied to me?

I look at it as trying

to avoid hurt feelings.

Wow.

This is pretty cool. Where'd you get this?

I made it.

- No sh*t.

- Sh*t.

Listen, I don't want to have anything to do

with your crusade to sleep

with every woman in Boston, okay?

They're kind of like my sisters.

Wow. I thought you'd be cooler than this.

I saw that toast you made on YouTube.

Seemed like you had

a good sense of humor.

Those b*tches put my toast up

on YouTube?

How did you see it already?

I got everybody in the building

on Google Alert.

I come from a family of cops,

it's in my nature to dig up dirt.

Guy in 4-D tried to marry his dog.

- No! Bandit?

- Oh, yeah.

All right, well, looks

like the coast is clear.

Thank you. You're a peach.

You're a pig.

Mmm.

(GRUNTS)

This is good.

Okay, okay, that's enough.

I think the idea is just to taste them.

Why? Nobody's ever gonna

see me naked again.

I might as well enjoy myself.

Yeah, like you're really gonna be celibate.

I don't have a choice.

I said I was gonna stop at 20,

and now, thanks to

that finger-smelling f***, I'm at 20.

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