What's Your Number? Page #3

I do. Counts.

Okay. How much needs to go in

to be considered sex?

Anything more than the tip.

Fine, I'm a seven. I mean, eight.

- Sh*t! Nine!

- Atta girl.

Okay, Jamie, you go.

Hmm.

Thirteen.

[KATIE GASPS]:
Thirteen?

Who here is a 13?

Me.

- Whore!

- Trashy girl. Slut.

- [KATIE]:
Sheila!

- [JAMIE]:
Slut!

Slutty whore!

What is the big deal?

That is 13 different penises in one vagina.

[SHEILA]:
It's not like they were

all in there at the same time.

You know what? I'm done with this.

Ally, you go.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

Go, go, go, go.

(COUGHS)

Oh!

Wow, look at that, nine.

I drew myself. Game over.

Wait. A one. Is this yours?

- Uh...

- Oh, my God.

You're at 91.

No! I'm at nine!

You're at 19.

[KATIE GASPS]:
Nineteen!

(ALL EX CLAIMING)

Hello, friend.

Fine, I admit it. I'm at 19,

almost twice the national average.

It's bad!

And look at this, there's even a whole

article in Marie Claire about it.

I thought that playing this game would

make me feel better about my number,

but now I think the homeless lady

on the train was right. It's high!

Apparently in America, 96% of women

who have been with 20 or more lovers

can't find a husband.

- It actually says 20?

- Mmm-hmm.

Who cares? Who did that study anyway?

The scientists over there

at Marie Claire magazine?

Hey, that magazine

taught me how to orgasm.

Actually, that study

was conducted by Dr. Helen Fig,

a postdoctoral fellow

at Harvard University.

Sh*t!

I see it in my practice all the time.

When you're too sexually available,

it messes with your self-esteem.

Next thing you know,

you're 45 with no self-respect, no husband,

and no muscle tone in your pelvic floor.

Okay. Well, that is not gonna happen to me.

Harvard says that 20 is the limit.

I'm at 19,

so that gives me one more chance.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Okay.

I'm gonna make a proclamation.

(PATRONS EX CLAIMING)

Shut up! I'm proclamating.

Okay. I am not gonna sleep with

one more guy until I am sure he's the one.

I may not have control over much,

but I do have control over my pelvic floor.

The next guy who vacations

at casa esperanza

is going to be my husband.

- All right.

- Yeah.

To taking control of my own destiny.

[ALL]:
To taking control!

To better decision-making

and goal-following-through.

To better decision-making and goals!

To 20!

[ALL]:
To 20!

(ALL CHEERING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, sh*t.

(WHIMPERING) Oh, no. Oh, my God.

(GROANS)

Hi.

- I slept with my ex-boss.

- Carol?

No! The job I just got fired from.

- You got fired?

- This is your fault.

When I tried to get you to leave the

bar last night, you spit on me.

But congratulations.

You said 20 is your husband.

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