What's the Worst That Could Happen?

Synopsis: Thief Kevin Caffery attempts to rob from the home of rich businessman Max Fairbanks. But Fairbanks catches him and steals his cherished ring that his girlfriend gave him. Caffery is then bent on revenge and getting his ring back with the help of his partners.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Sam Weisman
Production: MGM
Rotten Tomatoes:
94 min

I start the bidding

at six hundred. Six fifty?

I have one thousand dollars

in the back. Thank you.

If you're here for the sports

memorabilia auction...

it's next Wednesday.

Oh, well, thank you,

but I'm just here...

to look at

all the colorful pictures.

Well, good for you.

How about this one?

Isn't it exquisite?

Oh, yes, very exquisite.

Yes, it is... for a fake.

A fake?

Yeah. See, it says here,

Lot 702...

Young Girl by Window...

is seventeenth century

Phoenician school.

- But it's not.

- It's not?

See, the shading

on the burnt umber is all wrong.

I'd date this back

at the time...

they was usin' the White House

as a get down spot.

You know, when everybody

was up in there like that.

When certain staff members

were backin' it up.

Sir, with all due respect...

I think you'll find that

the staff here at W. Boyle...

It's a fake, OK?

- I have an eye.

- An eye?

Yes. Just like them glasses

you got on.

I know when got up today,

you put 'em on.

You got in the mirror,

you thought you were stylin'.

You came to work, you know,

get a couple of more sales.

I know you thought they was,

what, $500 Boucherons?

Nah, they knock-offs, darlin'.

Yeah, those are knock-offs.

They're fake, just like

this piece of sh*t here.

702, Young Girl by the Window.

Next up, Lot 702,

Young Girl by Window...

has been pulled

from the auction.

So we'll move on to Lot 703...

The Hudson River Valley

lake scene.

A fine example of

nineteenth century American art.

You may find it of interest...

that the artist responsible

for this beautiful painting...

was a Boston native

who apprenticed right here...

on our very own

Commonwealth Avenue.

My colleagues and I

here at W. Boyle...

Excuse me.

Here, let me switch with you.

Let me just try to slide by you.

Pardon me.

Please, will you watch it?

All right, that's...

Um, let me try this.

- OK, OK. Slide over. Go.

- This is outrageous.

Like that, see? Got it.

Excuse me. All right.

Deal a meal.

You OK?

Would you mind

just leaving me alone?

Now, if I leave you alone...

you sitting here

on the verge of tears...

how you think

that's gonna make me feel?

You wouldn't understand.

That painting is yours.

You don't want to sell it,

but you have to.

Three fifty.

Give or take a pound.

Five hundred. Five hundred.

Do I have five fifty?

Five fifty I have. Five fifty.

Do I have six hundred?

My father

left me the painting...

and I love it, but I need

the money to pay a hotel bill.

One thousand five hundred.

One thousand five hundred.

Thank you.

- Two thousand.

- I have two thousand dollars.

Two thousand five hundred


I have 2,500. Do I have 3,000?

Two thousand five hundred

going once...

twice... sold.

Paddle number fourteen.

Well, that's that.

What's your name?

Amber Belhaven.

Oh, very pretty name.

Kevin. Kevin Caffrey.


I couldn't buy that painting...

but I can buy you

a cup of coffee.

So after I graduated


I moved here from London

to take this great job...

with a new natural history

website, neanderthal. com.

- What?

- Yeah, I know, I know.

You can figure out the rest.

They went under, so here I am.

So what are you gonna do now?

Get a job.

I'm sure there are

plenty of opportunities...

for a girl with a degree

in anthropology.

OK. Now, anthropology...

that's, like,

the study of man's...

See, I'm glad I read that

in the dictionary...

or I wouldn't know.

So what do you do, Kevin?

I'm a... I'm a businessman.

Yeah. Matter of fact, I was late

for an appointment.

I hope this is not too personal,

but in your hotel room...

do they have one of those

little refrigerators?

And in that refrigerator, do

they have those little bottles?

Yeah, I guess.


when my appointment ends...

would you like me to come by

and check?

See if in fact they do?

Now, you wouldn't try

to sleep with me, would you?

- Why are you blinking?

- Just a little nervous tic.

I tell a lie, I blink.

Oh, that must keep you

very honest.

I'd make a terrible lawyer.

So, can you force yourself

to blink...

blink when

you're telling the truth?

So when you're not blinking...

it means you're definitely

telling the truth...

but when you are blinking,

it means you're either lying...

or it means that you're

forcing yourself to blink...

to make it look like

you're lying.

That's right.

That sounds very complicated.

It's not, really.

So what's up?

Can I see you later?



But you're blinking, too.

You got the same thing

that I got...

and I don't know what you...

She's got it goin' on.

I will find you.

Who is it?

This is for you.

How much did he want

for that painting?

'Cause I'll pay you back

as soon as I get a job.

Well, it, uh...

it didn't cost me anything.

What, you stole it?

That's what I do.

But I thought

you were a businessman.

I am.

I'm in the business of stealing.


that's why I go to auctions...

to learn what's worth stealing.


of all things portable.


I apologize if it's a shock.

Well, I dated a lawyer

for three years...

so ethically speaking,

I've seen a stretch mark or two.

Normally, I don't tell a woman

that on the first date.

Then again, I don't normally

have these feelings.

Me, neither.

You see this ring?

My father gave this to me...

to remind me every day

how much he loved me.

My father believed in fate,

and so do I.

Used to be his lucky ring.

Now it's yours.

Well, how lucky was he?

Well, he was wearing it...

when he won that painting

in a card game.

Now I want something from you.

Name it.

I want you to promise me

that you'll never lie to me.

I've been

in that kind of relationship...

and I'll never do it again.

So no lies, OK?

No lies.

Said without a blink.

Oh, my God,

it's like needles in my eye.

I am too rich to have

a headache like this, Walter.

- You gotta get me out of this!

- G-get you out of this?

OK. I'll just undo

every single shady deal...

you've been a part of

for the last five years.

Sounds good to me!

There are no loopholes

this time.

Bankruptcy is the only option.

Great! Screw it.

Screw everybody.

Just file the goddamn papers.

What's the worst

that could happen?

Bankruptcy, Max.

That's the worst

that could happen.

Poodle cakes, it's only

the real estate company.

This is no big deal.

Tell her, Walter.

This is a...

It's a tech-technical procedure.

Yeah, that's right... a simple

little technical procedure.

It's humiliating, and it'll be

in all of the newspapers.


Maybe my father was right

about my marrying you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

There is no need...

to bring your daddy into this,

sugar lumps.

Walter and I,

we have this all worked out.

Our strategy is planned.

Right, Walter?

Fix it, Max, or else.

There is nothing to worry about,

snuggle bunny.

These things have a tendency...

to work themselves out

in the end.

They always do. Come on.

Come on, give me little kisses.

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Matthew Chapman

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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