Weekend at Bernie's Page #5

- Do you have any roommates?

- No. Roommates? No. None.

Why don't we go to your place?

Come on, baby. You're not a woman.

Are you? Tell me the truth.

Okay.

Why are you tiptoeing?

Because...

the people who live downstairs,

they're very light sleepers.

They get angry when I walk.

Why are you whispering?

- Am I?

- Yes.

I am. That's because of the walls.

They are too thin.

- Make yourself at home.

- Thank you.

Look at this teak.

I mean this whole apartment.

Sort of '60s style.

Yeah. I know.

I've been meaning to redo that for years.

No, I love it. I mean, it's very hip.

I think you have done the place beautifully.

I like it. It's home.

You know, it's a side of you

I never would have expected.

I'm very impressed.

- Are you?

- Yeah.

About what?

This apartment has got to be expensive.

So obviously you could have taken me

to some flash restaurant instead of that...

Is "dump" the word you are groping for?

You didn't like Hymie's Hunan?

- It's a four-star dive.

- It was great. I loved it.

It's just that some men

would try to impress women by...

pretending to be something they are not.

I absolutely agree. That's a terrible way

to begin a relationship.

Pretending to be something you are not.

Oh, God.

You don't have to answer this

if you don't want to...

but how do you afford a place like this?

I don't like to brag.

I just feel uncomfortable

showing off my money...

but I've made some wise investments.

I dabble in the stock market.

And of course my parents

were rather well off.

Do you want to sit?

They passed away?

Yes.

They must have been young.

Oh, yeah.

I feel I can trust you.

They were in a train accident.

Yeah, I mean I don't know

what it was with trains...

but they just always liked to travel in trains.

I am sorry.

- How awful for you.

- Yeah.

You know, I always thought trains

were so much safer than planes.

Well, actually, a plane...

fell on the train.

- Richard.

- Gwen.

There's a man in his underwear

in your kitchen.

He's... He's with me.

He's my butler. But...

- You have a butler?

- Yeah. Don't get him started.

He'll just go away if you just be quiet.

Sorry. I didn't realize you had company.

Good evening, young lady.

That's all right, Monroe.

Yes, will you, please, just go lay out

my navy blue suit for the morning?

Please.

- How about if I lay you out?

- Very well.

- You let your butler talk to you like that?

- Well, he is a vet.

He has got a steel plate in his head.

Gwen, it's not what you think.

Goodbye, Richard.

I'll grab the bow line.

- Hey, Skeet. How are you doing?

- Hey, Mr. Lomax.

Here you go, my friend.

Buy yourself a girlfriend.

Where have you been, Candy?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes