We're the Millers Page #5

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- ... that we have here at the club.

- Like what?

Todd:
Like, I want you to start having

sex with the customers for money.

What? That's totally

illegal, Todd.

Come on, what are you gonna do?

I gotta stay competitive with those

f***ers who opened up across the street.

You mean the Apple Store?

Yeah, and they're killing us.

Oh, God.

That's it. I can't do it.

I quit.

Did you hear the good news?

Now we get to f*** the

customers for money.

- Wha...?

- Boner Garage loves it.

I'm out of here. I am out of here.

I quit.

F***.

F***.

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

So, Casey, I guess it's nice

for you to get your hair cut.

Being homeless and all...

I'm not homeless, fucktard. I have a home.

But I left because my parent...

Shut up, okay? Please. I don't need to

hear your hard-luck backstory right now.

I rented Precious on Netflix eight months

ago and I still haven't watched the thing.

Here. You know what?

Just give me a little peace and quiet

and buy yourself some new clothes.

You know, the kind of stuff that loved

children wear. Not this garbage.

All right? Thank you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.

You're fine. You already

like a total dipshit.

Here. You're gonna need it. You

look like Eminem from 8 Mile.

(CHUCKLES)

Go with her. Make sure

she doesn't steal it.

And stay the f***

out of Hot Topic.

WOMAN:
David Clark?

Okay, what are we doing today?

Yeah, I say, give me

something that says:

"I get up every morning at 5:30 and

commute for an hour to a bullshit job... "

...where my boss expects me

to kiss his balls all day...

...so I can afford to

keep my ungrateful

kids decked out in Dora

the Explorer sh*t...

...and my wife up to her fat

ass in self-help videos...

"... until the day I get the courage

to put a shotgun in my mouth. "

(MAN CLEARS THROAT)

Right here.

Yeah. That's it. That's the one.

All right.

Get a full body check.

(BEEPS)

(BEEPS)

Sorry.

Hi, you folks have

everything you need?

Oh, you betcha!

Yeah, we're heading out on a family vacay

here, you know? Off to see grandma, huh?

Well, you have a lovely family.

Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, this

is my son, Kenny Miller, right here.

- And my lovely daughter...

- Casey?

Casey. Casey Miller, that's right.

And I'm David Miller.

We're the Millers.

Yeah, now, you know, I got my hands

full here. Couple of kooky teenagers.

Yeah, I'm going through all those

typical teenage girl issues like:

Finals and college

applications...

...and am I gonna

get asked to prom.

Plus, I haven't gotten my

period in two months...

...which is really weird because

I've mostly just been doing anal.

(KENNY COUGHS)

Ha-ha-ha! Oh, that's enough.

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