Vampire's Kiss

Synopsis: A publishing executive is visited and bitten by a woman and starts exhibiting erratic behavior. He pushes his secretary to extremes as he tries to come to terms with his delusions. The woman continues to visit and as his madness deepens, it begins to look as if some of the events he's experiencing may be hallucinations.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Robert Bierman
Production: MGM
  1 win & 2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
103 min

I got up, took a shower,

made myself coffee.

I kept telling myself, "I'll wake her up

after I do this or this little step..."

No, that's not true really.

I knew I was going to delay

waking her up for as long as possible.

What was it you really wanted?

I wanted her, same as always,

I wanted her to disappear.

I wanted her to be

the hell out of there.

And she got the hell out of there.

She took the hint. She woke up, you were

fully dressed, ready to go to work.

More or less, yeah. She took the hint.

And yet, just the night before...

You wanted her very badly?


I know. Really badly.

He can stretch himself...

He can stretch himself

from here to Ethiopia if he wants to.

- No. We said him already.

- No. The Rubber Man.

He's the last of the Fantastic Four

we've been searching for.

- The missing link, yes?

- No. We already said him.

Oh, look. There's a taxi. Taxi!

We are not in need

of coach service, my lady.

This is my kingdom, and my palace

is but two blocks from here.

- Come on.

- Be off...

Goddamn you, f*ck. Cocksuckers!

Be off!

You fucking cocksuckers, fucks...


And the one

that's made of big brown stones.

That's Brownstone Man.

No. That's not his name.

It's Lighter Brown.


God, the telephone company.

How can I take home a girl

who works for the phone company?

Go on. Go home.

I'm the director of personnel.

She hires those incompetents. Oh, no!

What do you do, Mr. Wise Guy?




- You play chess?

- Yeah, excellently.


Does that mean you win?

All right, now. Just relax.


- Shit.

- Shoo.


There's a... Never mind.

- Did you get it out?

- Let's go.

If I'd known you had

a fucking roommate...



Yes, Mr. Loew.

All right, Frank Heatherton wants a copy

of the first contract he had...

for the sale of his short story...

Rattlesnake Hills...

to Der Spiegel.

It seems that's the first foreign sale

he's ever had...

and suddenly

he wants to frame the agreement.

Now, the story was sold in 1963.

And I know that's a long time

before either I was here or you were here...

but there is no reason why the agency

shouldn't have a copy of it.

I already looked in the files

under "Heatherton."

I looked under "Rattlesnake Hills"...

but I am asking you to go through

the entire Der Spiegel file.

It is a very fat file and nothing

is in order and it will take hours.

But it will be there.


Please find it and bring it to me.

Yes, Mr. Loew.

Peter, Joel Reznick on 0-2.

Mr. Loew?

Mr. Loew, are you there?

Starting with your earliest years

when you...

somehow were taught to expect...

something that wasn't even

halfway attainable.


- Well, I guess my time is up.

- We have a couple more minutes.

You know...


you have always been telling me

when our time is up.

And I just wonder if maybe...

Does it make you feel a little insecure

when I'm saying...

- Well, what?

- Nothing.

I was remembering...

I brought this girl up to my place

the other night.

Really hot, you know.

And we're on the bed.

Suddenly, this bat comes swooping down

out of nowhere.

A bat?

Holy shit.

But this really happened.

This part, I don't know if this really

happened or I dreamt it later.

I mean, I'm fighting this bat off all alone,

and I'll be damned if I didn't get...

Really turned on.

- You were aroused?

- Yeah.

But you said just a few seconds before

you were in the throes of passion.

- I know.

- So then you were aroused.

- With the girl?

- Yes, with the girl.

Oh, sure. Absolutely.

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Joseph Minion

Joseph Minion (born 1957 in Teaneck, New Jersey) is an American film director and screenwriter, best known for Martin Scorsese's After Hours (1985). Born in New Jersey in 1957, Minion briefly attended NYU Film School before finishing his studies at Columbia University, then renowned for its screenwriting program. In 1984, Minion's script for After Hours was optioned by Griffin Dunne and Amy Robinson, the latter a former actress who'd appeared as Harvey Keitel's damaged girlfriend in Scorsese's Mean Streets (1973). Robinson sent Minion's screenplay to Scorsese, whose Last Temptation of Christ had recently fallen through; production on After Hours started shortly afterward. Later, it surfaced that Minion had plagiarized portions of After Hours from radio host Joe Frank, who sued and settled for an undisclosed sum.Minion continued his screenwriting career with 1987's Julia and Julia starring Kathleen Turner; 1989's Vampire's Kiss, starring Nicolas Cage; Motorama (1991); and On the Run (1999). He also worked again with Martin Scorsese in 1986 for an episode of Amazing Stories, "Mirror, Mirror".As a director, Minion made his debut for producer Roger Corman with 1987's Daddy's Boys, said to have been thrown together at the last minute to make use of standing sets for Big Bad Mama II. His last outing as director was for another low-budget feature, Trafficking (1999). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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