This Isn't 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon': The XXX Parody Page #3

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Edward, what happened with Jasper,

...it's nothing.

- You're right.

It was nothing.

Nothing the way

I always expected.

And nothing compared to

what could have happened.

You just don't belong

to my world, Bella.

I belong with you.

No, you don't.

I'm coming.

Bella.

I don't want you to come.

You don't want me?

No.

This changes things.

alright.

But if it's not

too much to ask...

...can you at least

promise me something?

Don't do anything reckless.

For Charlie's sake.

And I'll promise something

to you in return.

This is the last time

you'll ever see me.

I won't come back.

And you can go on

with your life...

...without any interference from me.

It will be like...

I never existed,

I promise.

If this is about my soul, take it.

I don't want without you.

- It's not about your soul.

You're just not good for me.

I'm not good enough for you?

I'm just sorry,

I let this go on for so long.

Please...

...don't.

Goodbye.

Edward?

Edward!

Edward!

I'll try to call Cullens place again.

The Cullens left town, Charlie.

- Good riddance!

Where did they go?

We'll find her, Charlie.

- Thanks, Harry.

Charlie?

She's alright.

I got her.

Thank you, Sam.

Alice,

...you have disappeared.

Like everything else.

But who else can I talk to?

I'm lost.

When you left...

and he left...

You took everything with you.

But the absence of him

is everywhere I look...

It's like a huge hole...

...has been punched through my chest.

But in a way I'm glad.

The pain is my only reminder that

he was real...

...that you all were.

alright, that's it.

What?

You're going to Jacksonville

to live with your mother.

I'm not leaving Forks.

Bells...

...he's not coming back.

I know.

It's just not normal,

this behavior.

Quite frankly, it's scaring

the hell outta me,

...and you Mother.

Baby, I... I don't want you to leave.

I don't.

But... just go...

Go to Jacksonville,

make some new friends...

I like my old friends.

- Well, you never see them anymore.

I do, yeah.

I'm...

...gonna go shopping tomorrow,

with Jessica.

You hate shopping.

I...

I need a girl's night out.

alright.

Girl's night.

Shopping.

I like it, go.

Buy some good stuff.

Hi, Jessica, it's Bella.

Oh, yeah, Bella Swan.

I don't know, why you wanna sit through

all those zombies eating people,

...and no hot guys kissing anybody.

It's gross.

Like why there are

so many zombie movies anyway?

Is it supposed to like

draw a parallel with leprosy?

My cousin had leprosy,

it's not funny, you know?

And like is it supposed to be

a metaphor for consumerism?

Because don't be so pleased with

your own like...

...self-reverential cleverness, you know?

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