This Isn't 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse': The XXX Parody Page #4

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- Rosalie.

No, she's right.

You can't protect me,

watch my dad...

...and search for the intruder.

And for Victoria.

- And keep yourselves fed.

I'm not leaving you here defenseless.

Well, I'm not gonna let you starve.

And I wouldn't be unprotected,

I have...

What?

Whoever it was,

he left his stink behind.

It'll be hard to miss when we cross it again.

We'll handle it from here.

- We don't need you to handle anything.

Or anyone.

- I could care less what you need.

Alright, we're done here.

No, you're done here.

- Stop.

I'm tired of this.

From now on I'm Switzerland, Okay?

Edward hated the idea,

but it wasn't about rivalry anymore.

It was about my safety,

and Charlie's.

In the days that followed

I got them to at least try to work together.

The wolves took over

so the Cullen's can hunt.

It wasn't exactly an easy alliance.

Doesn't he own a shirt?

I'm good here,

you should go.

I'm not gonna be going long.

- Don't rush. You need to hunt.

Maybe you rush a little bit.

Hey, beautiful.

- Hi.

So, whaddaya wanna do today?

Bike, hike, hang?

Your call.

Or we're going to a party tonight.

You sure this is okay?

I really hate being a party crasher.

Technically,

you're a Council Meeting crasher.

See. The Council leaders,

Dad, Quil's grandpa, and Sue Clearwater.

She took over for Harry when he died.

Okay, I should not be here.

You're okay.

I thought...

I mean, they thought it would be

good for you to hear the histories.

The histories? The tribe's histories?

Aren't they secret?

We all got a role to play.

And you're a part of this.

I mean, it's the first time Seth,

Leah and Quil are hearing them, too.

But you are the first outsider.

Ever.

If I haven't known that,

I wouldn't believe you.

And would've dressed better.

- Jake.

Hey.

- It's about time, you got here.

Paul's been hoovering the grub.

But, I saved you some burgers.

Good looking out, Bro.

Bella, this is Seth Clearwater,

Leah's brother.

Newest member of the pack.

- Newest, bestest, brightest.

And slowest.

Come on. Your dad's about to start.

- Alright.

The Quileutes have been a small tribe

from the beginning...

But we've always had magic in our blood.

We were great spirit warriors...

Shape shifters,

that transform into the powerful wolf.

This enabled us to scare off our enemies,

and protect our tribe.

One day our warriors

came across a creature...

It looked like a man,

but it was hard like stone,

and cold as ice...

Our warriors' sharp teeth,

finally tore it apart...

But only fire would completely destroy it.

They lived in fear,

the Cold Man was not alone.

And they were right.

She took her vengeance out on the village.

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