This Isn't the Help - It's a XXX Spoof

Genre: Adult
151 min

I was born 1911, Chickasaw County,

Piedmont Plantation.

And did you know,

as a girl growing up,

that one day you'd be a maid?

Yes, ma'am, I did.

And you knew that because...

My mama was a maid.

My grandmama was a house slave.

House... slave.

Do you ever dream

of being something else?

What does it feel like

to raise a white child

when your own child's at home being

looked after by somebody else?

It feel...

I done raised 17 kids in my life.

Looking after white babies,

that's what I do.

Aibee, Aibee.

- Hi!

- Aibee!

I know how to get them babies to sleep,

stop crying and go in the toilet bow/

before their mamas even

get out of bed in the morning.

Babies like fat.

They like big fat legs, too.

That I know.

You is kind, you is smart... is important.

- You is smart...

- Smart... is kind...

- ... you is kind... is important.

- ... you is important.

That's so good.

That's so good.

I work for the Leefolts

from eight to four; six days a week.

I make 95 cent an hour.

That comes to $182 every month.

I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing,

ironing and grocery shopping.

But mostly, I take care of Baby Girl.

And, Lord, I worry she gonna be fat.

Mae Mobley.

Ain't going to be

no beauty queen either.

Aibileen, bridge club is in an hour.

Did you finish the chicken salad?

- Yes.

- Oh, and Hilly's deviled eggs.

- No paprika.

- Mm-hm.

Does this dress look homemade?

I reckon when you finish it won't.

Well, thank you.

Miss Leefolt still don't

pick Baby Girl up but once a day.

The birthing blues got hold

of Miss Leefolt pretty hard.

I done seen it happen plenty of times,

once babies start having

their own babies.

And the young

white ladies of Jackson...

...oh Lord, was they having babies.

But not Miss Skeeter.

No man and no babies.

- Morning.

- Hi.

- My name is Eugenia Phelan, and...

- Come on.

Eugenia Phelan, Mr. Blackly.

Shut the damn door.

I guarantee you, one day they're going

to figure out cigarettes will kill you.

OK, Miss Phelan,

let's see what you got.

Murrah High:

Ole Miss Rebel Rouser. editor.

Double major.

Junior League:

- Damn, girl, don't you have fun?

- Is that important?

- Do you have any references?

- Yes.

Right here.


This is a rejection letter.

Not exactly. See, Miss Stein thought...


Elaine Stein, from Harper and Row

Publishing in New York.

Oh, Lord.

I'm gonna be a serious writer,

Mr. Blackly.

I applied for a job,

but Mrs. Stein thought...

She said no.

Well, until I gain some experience.

See? Says right there.

"Great potential. Gain some experience

and please apply again. "

Oh, Christ. I guess you'll do.

Do you clean?

- I'm sorry. Clean?

- Clean.

Grab that basket.

Miss Myrna has gone

shit-house crazy on us.

She drunk hairspray or something.

I want you to read her past columns.

Then read these letters and you

answer them just like she would.

Nobody is gonna know

the damn difference.

You know who Miss Myrna is?

I read her articles all the time.

Articles? Miss Phelan,

it's a cleaning advice column.

Eight bucks a week.

Copy is due on Thursday.


Lou Ann, honey, I can't talk right now.

I'm at work.

What? Shut that goddamn door.

Mama, we're late for bridge!

Miss Hilly was the first

of the babies to have a baby.


And it must have come out of her like

the 11th Commandment,

'cause once Miss Hilly had a baby,

every girl at the bridge table

had to have one, too.

Minny, go get Mama!

Missus Walters,

you need help coming down?

- I'm down.

- Ooh.

- I been down.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"This Isn't the Help - It's a XXX Spoof" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 28 May 2020. <>.

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