Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead

Cinderella, dressed in yella,

went upstairs|to kiss her fella,

made a mistake|and kissed a snake.

How many doctors|did it take?

- One, two, three, four,|- Come on, pass the ball.

five, six, seven, eight.

Angie, go to your spot.

Higher!

Let's get the rhythm|of the stomp, stomp, stomp.

Cinderella, dressed in yella,

went upstairs|to kiss her fella,

made a mistake|and kissed a snake.

How many doctors|did it take?

One, two, three, four,

five... six...

seven... eight...

nine... ten...

11... 12...

13... 14... 15...

16... 17.

- Okay, come on.|Cinderella, dressed in yella,

went upstairs to kiss her...

Hi.

What do you want,|doofus?

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!|What're you doin'?

Loser! Loser! Loser!|Loser! Lo...

# Edna Million|in a drop-dead suit #

# Dutch Pink|on a downtown train #

# Two-dollar pistol|but the gun won't shoot #

# I'm in the corner|in the pourin' rain #

# Sixteen men|on a dead man's chest #

# And I been drinkin'|from a broken cup #

# Two pairs of pants|and a mohair vest #

# I'm full of bourbon|I can't stand up #

# Hey, little bird|Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire|Children are gone #

- # Hey, little bird #|- No, in those days,

you wanted a piece of quim,|you knew where to go.

You left your wife at home.|You... You hit the spots.

You'd run with a big noise guy...|you know, a cake eater.

Before you could say beef bayonet,|you got a bangtail on your arm...

sweet as Dutch cheese.

Now you got your fuckin' AIDS.

You got your raised|feminist consciousness,

whatever the f*ck|that means.

Then you got your movements... a movement|for this, a movement for that.

You got too many movements,|ya ask me.

The only good movement's|a fuckin' bowel movement.

Hey!

Look who's here!|Jimmy the Saint!

- Hit and run, Malt.|- All right.

- What's the word, Jimmy?|- What's goin' on, Joe?

You heard about this thing,|that fuckin' Bernard?

- No, what happened?|- I knew the kid was lunchy, but not this fuckin' lunchy.

They picked him up at a schoolyard|fishin' for saplings.

- No shit.|- They oughta neuter that fuckin' kid.

It's a brain thing, Joe,|with Bernard, not a balls thing.

Aw, give it a name. Come on. Anything|you can say is a problem with a man.

It's a balls thing.

- Hey.|- Boat drinks.

Boat drinks.

Jimmy the Saint from Flatbush.

Went to seminary school|but lost the calling.

But in his day,|the bitch's bastard.

# Turn the corner, fool|is what she said #

# A hundred dollars|makes the talkin' said #

# Edna Million|in a drop-dead suit #

# Dutch Pink|on a downtown train #

# Two-dollar pistol|but the gun won't shoot #

# I'm in the corner|on the floor #

Because after you've gone,

your money|goes to somebody else,

another man comes along|and marries your wife.

Your kids fall in love with strangers.

But if you've been good,|if you've been decent,

how you are remembered|cannot be sullied,

cannot be changed.

Very... Very nice,|Mr. Jergen.

Um, Barry, could you...

- Um, some water.|- Sure.

- We're doin' great.|- There you go.

Why don't we take a little break,|and we'll continue later?

All right.

- Two-six-eight...|- Easy. Easy, now.

Good afternoon.

Julie, call and check|on that...

Here we have Mr. Jergen.|He's doing his taping.

Now, my associate Randall Cuffland,|who just went by,

he follows a very carefully composed list|of questions which he poses to Mr. Jergen...

and which Mr. Jergen's loved ones|will be able to access once he's gone.

You understand?

I'd like to introduce you|to somebody.

Here, this way.

This is Stevie.

Stevie's father passed away,|pancreatic cancer,

at a time in late adolescence|when Stevie needed him the most.

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