The Rocker

Ah, look at you, Cleveland!

Put your hands together for this one.

What say?

From the top!

Yeah!

Thank you.

We love you, Cleveland! Whoo!

- Dudes! Yeah!

- Yeah!

Do you have any idea how

rare that is? That kind of energy...

...coming off the crowd

and feeding us?

And us feeding it right back to them?

That is what it's all about, my brothers.

We are gonna be huge!

- More importantly, how were my moves?

- Those moves.

I got the best seat in the house

between the guitar and bass...

...and you rocked. Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Oh, now, that was classic Vesuvius.

- Billy.

Nice show. Whoo!

- Hey, what did the label say?

- Let's start with some beers first.

Those are on me,

and those are imported.

- Imported. Sounds like good news, right?

Or bad.

Be right back.

- More like awesome news.

Matchbook Records just offered us

an awesome contract...

...and it is awesome.

- We're gonna be rich!

- I'm gonna get a Fiero.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

There's just one hitch.

They want you to replace Fish.

President of the label

wants his nephew in the band.

Fish is the heart and soul of this band.

We've been together since high school.

- He came up with the name Vesuvius.

- Yeah, he's great.

Guys, they're gonna put money

behind you. That means videos, touring...

No. Forget it, Billy.

We're not gonna sell him out

because some rich kid...

...wants to play rock star. Forget it.

- All right.

I'm calling the head of the label now.

Tell him where he can stick his nephew.

Oh, there was talk of you guys

opening for Whitesnake...

...but sometimes opportunity

knocks twice, right?

- Whitesnake, man.

- Dude, I love that band.

I mean, think about it.

Fish will land on his feet, right?

Like I said, he's a great drummer.

Right. He's gonna be fine.

Billy, hang up that phone.

You traitors!

Start the van, man. He's coming!

We lost him.

- I don't think that went too well.

- What a baby.

- We did it, guys. All right.

- We totally did it.

- That was kind of awesome!

- It's gonna be all right.

I think we lost him.

That's definitely gonna be in a book

about us.

He didn't fit.

After all we've been through?

And you sell me out just like that?

Oh, my God.

He was like a jet plane.

- So fast.

- Fast runner.

- Definitely a fast runner.

- I didn't know how fast he was!

I was going 60.

- He ran like a gazelle, right?

- I was gonna say that.

- Like, his stride was really big.

- Yeah, really big.

Like he'd lived with animals

or something, in the woods.

And he, like, mimicked their... Aah!

Jesus, man, keep going!

Oh, my...

We gotta shake him loose, man!

I will drag you down to hell with me.

I will eat your souls.

Hit the brakes, man!

Oh, my God, Kerr. You killed him.

You killed him.

He deserved it, man.

He's dead.

He can't be killed.

Dude, he can't be killed.

He can't be killed.

Back it up, back it up.

He's a zombie!

I don't need you!

I'm gonna be 10 times bigger

than you! No!

A billion times bigger than you! No!

Eleventy billion, trillion...

... vermillion times bigger than you!

Jeez, this would be a great album

if I could ever listen to it.

New Vesuvius, fellas.

Waited in line two hours last night

to get it. Supposed to be amazing.

Everybody thought they peaked

when their sixth album went platinum...

...but then they came back...

...and blew the doors off

with Devil's Nursery.

- Devil's Nursery rocks.

Look at those faces.

It's the etchings of time, man.

These guys have really lived, you know?

Yeah, I know.

Oh, you a fan?

I mean, how could you not be, right?

I don't really listen

to heavy-metal music.

- Oh, dude, you gotta hear this.

- No, I don't.

- No, seriously, if you've never heard...

- Seriously, I'm not interested.

Trust me. One track,

you're gonna be hooked for life.

- Zammit's Metal Racking.

- Hello, Zammit's Metal Racking. What?

You wanna hear the new Vesuvius?

Yeah. It's sweet, huh?

I'll burn you a copy.

Can you hold, please?

Do not tell me that this was

about them.

Well, as it happens, by coincidence,

it was the new album...

...by Vesuvius.

- Damn it, Rob.

- Which is terrible, by the way.

- Totally overproduced.

- Really? Okay, look. Rob.

I know that we've been through this

a whole bunch...

...and I know you think

you're getting past it...

...but this is not getting past it.

It has been 20 years. Let it go.

I have let it go...

...and the universe keeps shoving

Vesuvius back in my face.

Look, guppy, I don't think

I can do this anymore.

This just isn't working for me.

I'm sorry. I think it's time...

- I break up with you.

- What?

- I break up with you. l...

- No.

- No!

- Yes.

- What?

- What were you gonna say?

- I interrupted you.

- You just said what I was gonna say.

I am breaking up with you,

so quiet.

I am fantastic.

You don't break up with me.

I'm gonna have to ask you

to pack your things and leave.

This is my apartment.

This is gonna be great.

A fresh start, you know,

get my life back on track.

That's the attitude, Robert.

- Thanks, sis.

So you'll be on your feet...

...and out of this house

in what, about a week?

- Lisa, come on. Give the guy a break.

- Thank you, Stan.

Talk about your missed opportunity.

Imagine if he was still in Vesuvius.

My brother-in-law in Vesuvius.

Know what our lives would be like?

I'd be wearing silk underwear

right now.

It's like winning the lottery...

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