The Nun's Story Page #4

the control of passions,

and the acquiring of virtue...

so that you may be born again in Christ.

We will have exercises to develop charity,

forbearance, and humility...

and tests to destroy love of self.

Two of these tests

are the culpa and the penance.

From now on, in addition

to writing in your notebooks...

you will once a week...

proclaim before your sisters

your external faults against the Rule.

And you will be given a penance

to perform in refectory or in chapel.

The degree of humiliation will tell you

how much pride is still alive in you.

Only as your pride slowly crumble...

will you get the first glimpse

of true humility.

If any sister has observed you

in an external fault...

which you have not proclaimed...

it is her duty to proclaim you in charity...

so that you may be aware

of your errors and correct them.

I say my culpa for speaking without

necessity, for being late for chapel...

for letting a door slam without penance.

What do you have to say in charity?

I proclaim my sister for giving in

to the temptation of vanity...

by looking at herself in a glass window.

You will say three Hail Marys

in refectory...

for the sister who had the charity

to proclaim you.

And three Hail Marys

for each imperfection.

And pray God to help you

to perfect yourself.

Mother, I will try to correct myself

with the grace of God.

I say my culpa

for breaking the rule of obedience...

by not stopping work

when I heard the bell.

For having spilled milk

twice in the refectory.

For having spoken without necessity

during Grand Silence.

What have you to say in charity?

I proclaim myself and Sister Luke...

for seeking each other's company.

You will ask God to help you

to overcome this attachment...

and you will kiss the feet of the nuns

and beg your bread in refectory.

Mother, I will try to correct myself

with the grace of God.

Dear Lord...

the more I try,

the more imperfect I become.

I seem to fail in charity,

humility, and obedience.

Pride has not been burned out of me.

When I succeed in obeying the Rule...

I fail at the same time

because I have pride in succeeding.

Tomorrow you go on retreat

before taking the first vows, don't you?

The Grand Silence doesn't matter for me.

I'm not taking my vows. I'm leaving.

So I can talk without having to say a culpa

or do a penance.

Why?

Mother Emmanuel said,

"Remember, you can cheat us...

"but you cannot cheat yourself or God."

Well, to go on would be cheating God.

-To be a hypocrite.

-We all have our doubts.

-My confessor--

-Of course.

But I know myself.

I could never be like you.

As strong as you.

I'm the weakest of us all.

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