The Night They Raided Minsky's Page #5

Oh, The Barcarolle

from Tales of Hoffmann by Offenbach.

- Made in heaven. Don't go away.

- Oh, wait once.

Why should I not go away?

Because tonight at the midnight show,

you're dancing.

I'm dancing! Oh, my God!

And now, we take you back

to the good old USA!

Now, I'm authorized by the management

of the National Wintergarden Theater

to offer to each and every one

of our patrons,

a clientele that we know to be exact,

discerning, and not easily deceived,

an exotic assortment of genuine imported

chocolate bonbons

with the nuts inside,

the price of which,

were you to purchase it

outside the confines of this theater

would be 99 cents.

But we are offering it to you

for only 25 cents,

one quarter of a dollar.

But is that all?

No, sir, no, ma'am, it is not.

Because this is a three-part offer.

That's right, your ears did not

deceive you. I said, a three-part offer.

Now, I hear the man over here

say, "Impossible!"

No, sir, it is not impossible.

Although, I can understand

your world-weary cynicism.

Now, part one is

the exotic assortment of genuine imported

chocolate bonbons

with the nuts inside.

Also included in each and every package

are three 12-jewel Elgine men's

wristwatches with silver band attached,

valued at 16 dollars,

and three gold-filled ladies' wristwatches,

shaped in the form of a heart...

Minsky's gone too far this time, Fowler.

We've seen this girl rehearse.

She is a tinder-box, a red-hot tomato!

He's introducing her

in the midnight show.

Midnight?

Now, Mr. Minsky,

and the makers of the genuine imported

chocolate bonbons

with the nuts inside,

have included in each and every package

the book that made Paris blush,

Mademoiselle Fifi.

Yes, you've heard about this book,

and here it is.

Now, I will not dwell at length

on the contents of this book.

Suffice to say,

this book contains

12 detailed illustrations.

- Who is this girl?

- She's...

- Mademoiselle Fifi.

- Fifi?

- She's French?

- From gay Paris!

She drove a million Frenchmen wild!

And if you are of a curious nature,

and I assume you are, or else

you would not be here this afternoon,

may I suggest that you tear out

these illustrations

and hold them up before

an electric light bulb?

- Hold it up to the light.

- Yeah, come on.

- Look. That's it.

- Oh, my!

Move them slowly to and fro

and you will see what little Willie saw

at the picnic.

Need I say any more?

Take it away! No, give it back.

I mean, I may need it as evidence.

- If this woman puts one foot...

- You're not holding it up to the light.

Oh, no.

But please, I implore you,

and I must repeat that word,

I implore you,

do not remove the wrapper from this book

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