The Kid & I

Synopsis: Bill Williams is a down-and-out actor who is unexpectedly hired to write a sequel a la "True Lies," the action film that made him famous more than a decade ago. When Bill learns that his co-star is Aaron Roman, a rich kid with no acting experience, what appeared to be the chance for a major comeback turns into a series of outlandish complications. As the duo embark on a journey of outrageous misadventures, the unlikely pair discover that it takes more courage to face real life challenges than it does fighting bad guys on the big screen. Although Aaron may be inexperienced in acting, his tenacious spirit, unwavering optimism and unconditional friendship turns out to be an important, enduring gift to Bill.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Penelope Spheeris
Production: Slow Hand Releasing
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
37
Rotten Tomatoes:
33%
PG-13
Year:
2005
93 min
Website
2 Views

1

Today is a good day...

because I've got plans.

Big plans.

BILL WILLIAMS 3-6-1959 5-31-2005

You know they say,

that if you spend your last dollar

on the last day of your life...

it's perfect.

I have no... loose ends,

no job, no family, no friends.

But don't get me wrong...

I had a good run, I really did.

I was in love once,

even married for awhile...

but that didn't work out...

and, uh... I don't know

I think we grew apart.

Although my ex-wife would probably say

it had something to do with me...

hookin' up with one

of my skanky co-stars.

Which technically...

I wasn't 'cause we

were rehearsing a love scene...

in my trailer.

See I used to be an actor.

And I was proud...

of it. I even did a big movie,

with Arnold Schwarzenegger

and Jamie Lee Curtis once.

But, that was like eleven years ago so.

You know I planned every detail

of today perfectly.

I even wrote a letter

to the paper. You know.

Enclosed my last 8X10 just...

in case they wanna use it.

I wonder if they'll show me...

at the dead people Oscar montage.

That would be sweet.

And I've also donated

all my organs to science.

And then I will be cremated

immediately because,

I don't want any medical

students makin' fun of my penis.

You know. I think of things like that.

You want my clothes?

No, not these clothes.

I got some nice ones inside.

Do you want 'em?

Yeah I guess so.

Have a seat.

You know what? I'm not gonna need

these where I'm goin', either.

I'll be right out.

Here ya go. Here's some nice bedding.

Here are some clothes...

and a very nice watch.

Oh, thank you very much.

Good luck to ya man.

Hey what the hell?

Did you drink my vodka?

Oh-oh, was that yours?

You took half my pills!

Give me back my pills!

Can't.

Why?

I ate 'em.

You crazy bastard. That'll kill ya.

Go make yourself throw up!

I think I'll just ride it out.

I... I like to party.

Idiot.

Hi.

Am I in hell?

Not anymore.

And do you know why?

Because I pulled a few strings...

did my magic and you, sir, have a job.

Who are you?

Who am I? Not a good question.

It's Johnny.

Johnny? Say it with me, Johnny.

Johnny.

Yeah, Bernstein. Your agent.

Hello.

Hi.

Well are you gonna

get yourself outta there?

Come on.

Get your big self outta there.

Here we go. Whoa-whoa!

You are a whale.

Whoa! There ya go.

Okay, you know I think

it is so brilliant,

that you have laid so low

for such a long time.

What day is it?

Uh, June 3rd.

It is the best day of your life.

Hello?

All right, put it back in.

This is not good for your career.

Gotta get goin', man.

New tenants moving in - now.

Keys?

Keys are, uh,

in a envelope on the desk.

Come on!

So I got a job? How?

Who cares how it happened?

All you have to worry about is

get some exercise, take a steam...

a meaningful shower...

and you meet me at my office on Friday,

and I will fill you in. We are back.

Isn't that wonderful?

Yeah, don't forget that shower.

Look at that chin line. Huh?

Wow. Okay.

You can't sit there, Bill.

Go!

You wanna hear somethin' weird?

"Bill Williams, former husband

of award-winning producer-writer,

Susan Mandeville,

committed suicide Friday, May 31st,

at his home in Van Nuys, California."

I didn't know you were married.

It was a long time ago.

I almost forgot myself.

Do you need anything?

Could you hold my calls for

a minute, I have to finish this script.

Yeah.

Jesus.

I hate kids.

Those are my clothes.

They was your clothes, dude.

You gave 'em to me.

Well give 'em back.

Okay.

And I need my shoes, too.

Oh, man.

You don't wear socks?

Don't worry. My feet are

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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