That's Carry On Page #6

to wait here and then I've got to...

- Hoo, hoo!

- ( Sultrily ) Good evening, darling.

You would like to come home and

see my fine old Viennese etchings?

I beg your pardon?

You would like to to come home

and see my fine old Viennese etchings?

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm afriad I cannot,

because I have broken my looking

glasses in two different places.

( Manly voice ) About time.

Caf Mozart, ten o'clock.

Hey, wait a minute. Where's Carstairs?

I am Carstairs.

Good evening.

( Man continues to wash hands )

( Toilet flushes )

Oh, good evening.

I should give it a minute.

Get back. There's someone there.

- Is it Carstairs?

- No,

it's a small man standing on one leg.

That didn't half hurt!

I was blown up as well, after that.

- I had to go away for a long sea voyage.

- Did it do you any good?

The rest of the gang went, too.

It was Carry On Cruising.

- Oh, look! It's in colour again.

- Yeah.

Good day, madam.

Care for a knock-up while

awaiting your partner?

Yes, Officer. Thank you.

But I'm not very good at the game.

Oh, it's quite easy.

Just be careful not to pong

instead of ping.

( He chuckles )

- Gently to begin, eh?

- If you please.

- ( Woman screams )

- I'm terribly sorry.

Most unfortunate.

( Clears throat )

Beginner's luck.

Try your luck on this.

Clever! Do it again.

( She giggles )

I'm terribly sorry, Captain, sir, dear.

I mean...

May I have the next dance?

I didn't know this was a dance.

Oh. Ooh...

No. It isn't, is it?

But every time I look at you,

I hear music.

Every time I look at you,

I think of music.

- Do you?

- Mm, Colonel Bogey. Excuse me.

Oh, wait.

Yes, the tropical...

Please.

A doctor! Aah!

Come along, sir. Everything will be

all right. Come along, now.

Two days on a simple cruise with

you lot, and look at me!

We made another film after that,

Carry On Jack.

Why did they call it Jack?

If we'd used the navy's word for it,

we'd have been censored.

Forward. Back.

Forward. Back.

Forward. Back. Forward. Back.

Forward. Back.

Heave-to. That's enough.

Let's have a look at it.

- Have you got it now?

- Mm.

Just swing the lead twice

and then heave it.

Right. Try it.

Right.

( He screams )

Ship ahoy!

Ah, yes. One of our luggers on

channel patrol.

Are you sure, sir?

Of course. Don't you think I know

a lugger when I see one?

An English frigate.

Give a signal for her to

come alongside.

Aye aye, sir.

They're making a signal.

They want us to come...

...alongside?

Down here, sir?

Yes, out there.

Easy does it.

That's it.

Now, gentlemen, we may be a

somewhat weary and depleted crew,

but we must still welcome our captain

aboard in a fitting and traditional manner.

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