That's Carry On Page #5

I'll take you, but not your brother.

Don't go. Think of brainwashing.

How can they wash what isn't there?

( Foreign accent ) Thank you.

You're not English.

And you're not Chinese. So what?

So this.

We might be on the same journey.

Of course we are.

OK. I'm persevering.

So I see, and I don't like it.

Ah, quit the pretence, baby.

I'm your man.

- What?

- I'm very glad we've met.

I wasn't altogether looking forward

to jumping off the train.

- Huh?

- But that's OK by me.

You say we jump together, then we jump.

Can we talk this over somewhere less public?

( Cockney ) Sorry, mate.

'Ere, did he get his jump?

No, he got taken for a ride with rest

of them in Carry On Cabby.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

You're not driving a bulldozer now.

Just relax. Watch out!

( Brakes screech )

Missed him.

Do me a favour. Just take it easy.

This may be an old cab,

but I'm very fond of her.

( Horn honks )

- ( Tyres screech )

- Round here!

( Horn honks )

That Cabby film, it played

to packed houses everywhere.

Well, almost everywhere.

Anyone home?

Somebody's potty.

How do I look?

Oh, smashing, yeah. You look ever so nice.

- Will you help me with mine?

- Of course.

Oh! 'Ere, that's fantastic. That's me when

I first joined the gang in Carry On Spying.

KENNETH:
Bernard Cribbins is teaching you

how to get your pistol under your bristols.

You'd better just put in

your handbag, Daphne.

All right, men. If you're ready...

Oh, no.

Oh, Mr Simpkins,

I hope we don't have to do much walking.

You're not supposed to wear it down there!

You'll do yourself a mischief.

It's supposed to be up here.

See? All ready to get off

a slick draw like that, you see?

I wish they'd make these things

the right way round.

Oh, Mr Simpkins, that was wonderful!

I'm sure I'll never get my draws off

as slickly as that.

I just want to say, Chief,

you can sleep peacefully.

You've chosen the right man for the job.

A man with a cool head,

a man who knows where he's going.

By the way, where are we going?

Vienna!

# Waltz #

What's the matter with you?

The journey from London to Vienna by

diesel locomotive is uncomfortably long.

Especially on a train with no corridor.

Caf Mozart, ten o'clock.

The penalty for smuggling in English

steak-and-kidney pudding is very excessive.

I have put my English steak-and-kidney

pudding in the next man's case.

Caf Mozart, ten o'clock.

# Zither melody #

( Cat meows )

I'd like a packed of filter-tipped

matches, please.

I'm sorry, I've only got

filter-tipped bootlaces.

I cannot smoke those. They make me deaf.

Caf Mozart, ten o'clock.

Schnitzelstrae, that's right.

Now, let me see. First of all I've got

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