T.J. Miller: No Real Reason

Synopsis: T.J. Miller (She's Out Of My League, Cloverfield, Get Him To The Greek, Yogi Bear 3D) has taken the leash off his comedic dog voice for no reason other than to buy more fishing equipment, and he HATES fishing. Do you like explosions of fun and a sense of danger at every moment? He does.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Shannon Hartman
Actors: T.J. Miller
 
IMDB:
7.5
NOT RATED
Year:
2011
67 min
33 Views

- I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE

TO DO THIS TO PERFORM,

BUT IT'S GOTTEN ME

THIS FAR.

all:
YOU'RE BAD. YOU'RE BAD.

YOU'RE VERY, VERY BAD.

- THANKS, GUYS.

CAN YOU CLEAR ALL THIS

OUT OF HERE?

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

MOTHER, THANK YOU

FOR EVERYTHING.

- I HOPE YOU GET MARRIED

AND DON'T DIE ALONE.

[indistinct chatter]

- FATHER, I JUST--

I WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU.

- REALLY GREAT.

- MELODY DUGGAN,

MY HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA TEACHER,

I CREDIT MY SUCCESS

TO YOUR BRILLIANCE AS A TEACHER.

- YOU WERE A PUSSY

IN HIGH SCHOOL.

YOU'LL BE A PUSSY FOREVER.

- WEIRD ONE.

NICK VATTEROTT, THANK YOU

FOR EVERYTHING, MAN.

- DID YOU GO UP YET?

- NO, MAN, I'M--

- RIGHT ON.

ALL RIGHT.

HAVE A GOOD SET, DUDE.

- IS THIS--OH.

ACTUALLY, I WENT THE WRONG WAY.

- GREAT SET, MAN.

- I HAVEN'T GONE UP YET.

- SUPER FUNNY.

[indistinct chatter]

- FATHER--

- T.J., I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

YOU COULDN'T FIND THE DOOR

TO THIS ONE.

- MOM, I DON'T KNOW WHY

I DID ANY OF THIS.

[upbeat hip-hop music]

- T.J. MILLER, T.J. MILLER

T-T-T-T-T-T- T.J. MILLER

T.J. MILLER, T.J. MILLER

[cheers and applause]

- WHAT THE F*CK IS UP,

COLORADO, HUH?

[cheers and applause]

I THINK THAT'S A GOOD WAY

TO START THINGS OFF, YEAH?

HEY, GUYS, THANKS FOR COMING.

THIS GUY, TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED.

FROM THE VERY START,

NEVER CLAPPED, NOTHING.

JUST SO HIGH.

HE JUST TURNED:

TO HIS GIRLFRIEND.

HE'S LIKE, "WHO IS THIS?

"WHY DOES THIS COMEDIAN

KEEP LOOKING DIFFEREN EACH TIME I BLINK?"

NICE.

YOU GOT YOUR OREGON HOODIE ON.

THAT'S GOOD.

ARE YOU AWARE OF THE STATE

THAT YOU'RE IN, OR NO?

LET'S START IT OFF.

READY?

I SAY, "HEY," YOU SAY, "HO."

HEY.

all:
HO!

- NOT EVERYBODY.

JUST YOU.

READY?

HEY.

- HO.

- HEY.

- HO.

- HE'S GOOD.

THAT WAS GOOD.

YOU'RE A GOOD HO.

I MEAN, YOU'RE--

OH, THIS IS GREAT.

RECENTLY I THREW UP ON

THE STREET IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

THAT'S EXCITING, RIGHT?

OUR NATION'S CAPITOL.

THAT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I THROW UP IN THE STREET A LOT.

I LIKE TO DRINK.

AND I GET HUNGOVER.

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE HUNGOVER

AND YOU'RE LIKE,

"I AM DEFINITELY

GONNA VOMIT TODAY...

BUT I WONDER IF I CAN MAKE I TO BREAKFAST FIRST"?

SO I ROLLED THE DICE.

I WAS INCORRECT IN MY ASSERTION.

I KNOW THIS,

'CAUSE I MADE THAT SOUND

THAT YOU MAKE WHEN

YOU'RE DEFINITELY GONNA VOMIT.

YOU KNOW, WHEN THERE'S

NO DECISION LEFT?

IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS:

[retching violently]

YOU KNOW?

THAT'S A REAL PROBLEM.

WHICH IS THE GREAT THING

ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY TOO.

NOT ONLY IS VOMITING

DISGUSTING,

WE GET TO LOOK LIKE A HUNGRY

BABY BIRD RIGHT BEFOREHAND.

[retching violently]

"FEED ME, MOTHER!"

IT'S A BRITISH BIRD,

PERHAPS A NIGHTINGALE.

WHAT WAS DIFFERENT ABOU THIS TIME IS,

RIGHT AS I BEGAN TO VOMIT,

LIKE, RIGHT AS I WAS LIKE:

[retching violently]

I TURNED, AND I MADE EYE CONTAC WITH A WOMAN

SITTING ACROSS THE STREE AT A STARBUCKS.

AND THEN I HELD EYE CONTAC AS I VOMITED.

WHICH IS TERRIBLE.

FOR HER MOSTLY.

'CAUSE I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER,

YOU KNOW,

BECAUSE HER MORNING

STARTED OFF SUCCESSFULLY.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S NOT WEARING

THE CLOTHING SHE WAS IN

THE NIGHT BEFORE.

SHE'S UP ON TIME.

SHE'S PROBABLY THINKING

TO HERSELF,

"WELL, ANOTHER

SUCCESSFUL MORNING.

"SIPPING A FRAPPE LATTE.

WHAT DO THEY ALWAYS SAY?

"EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO HAVE

THE WORMS IN YOUR HOUSE.

"I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT CLICHES,

"OR AT LEAST THE PERSON

IMPERSONATING ME ISN'T.

"IT'S A REAL POIN OF INSECURITY FOR HIM.

"BUT AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE

AN AWKWARD INTERACTION WITH--

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT BABY

BIRD OF A MAN OVER THERE?"

THEN SHE JUST SEES ME LIKE:

[retching violently]

I ALSO WALK LIKE A ZOMBIE

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T.J. Miller

Todd Joseph Miller (born June 4, 1981) is an American actor, stand-up comedian, producer, and writer.In 2008, he made his acting debut in Cloverfield, and from 2010 to 2019, he voiced Tuffnut Thornton in all three How to Train Your Dragon films. From 2014 to 2017, he starred as Erlich Bachman in the HBO sitcom Silicon Valley, and also played Marvel Comics character Weasel in 2016's Deadpool and it's 2018 sequel, Deadpool 2. Miller also has had starring roles in films such as Yogi Bear, She's Out of My League, Big Hero 6, Office Christmas Party, The Emoji Movie and Ready Player One. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"T.J. Miller: No Real Reason" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 15 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/t.j._miller%3A_no_real_reason_19280>.

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