Someone Like You...
If someone
had asked me not long ago...
why I thought it was that men
left women and never came back,
I would have said this:
"New cow. "
The new cow theory
was born of a broken heart.
It came to me while reading
an article on male behavior...
in the New York Times
science section,
which chronicled a particularly
fascinating study...
on the mating preferences
of the male cow.
- First, a bull was presented with...
A cow.
They mated.
The next day, the bull was
presented with the same cow.
The bull wasn't interested.
He wanted new cow,
and this was old cow.
Curious to see if
the scientists came up
with an ingenious ploy.
- Do not disappoint Daddy.
- The old cow was smeared with new cow scent...
- Doesn't that feel good?
- But he was no fool.
This wasn't new cow.
This was just old cow
incognito.
Old cow in sheep's clothing.
But I'm getting
ahead of myself.
To really understand the theory and
how it took over my entire existence,
you need to hear
the whole story.
When Ray came into my life,
I was booking talent
a local New York talk show that
had just been syndicated nationally.
a small window of opportunity...
in which to make something
of ourselves.
We're back with
Mary Lou Corkle,
outspoken
conservative activist,
who's here to talk about
her new book The Nest Crisis.
One of your central arguments,
Mary Lou,
is to blame society's problems
on working mothers.
Diane was determined to
strike pay dirt with her audience...
by appealing to both their
understimulated intelligence...
and their overstimulated appetite
for tabloid television.
Ambition has blinded
these women...
- to their responsibilities to their families.
- And so, by your standards,
doing what I do makes me
unfit for motherhood.
Well, we make
our own beds, don't we?
That is true.
Just out of curiosity, Mary Lou,
who's been
making your kids' beds...
while you've been out selling
your book these past three months?
My job was to supply
a steady diet of raw meat...
to satisfy Diane's
Emmy-clad ambitions.
Hi, Donald. Did you hear?
We've gone national.
Thanks.
Well, it's a new format.
We're just starting up
major exposure,
and I think it's
right up Hillary's alley.
Oh, she'd be among the first. I'm lining up
great company. Trust me, everyone wants on.
My only colleague in this quest...
was our writer, producer and
pathological womanizer Eddie Alden.
How are we doin'?
Publisher's having a coronary.
- That good, huh?
- You book 'em, I cook 'em.
Right on. Yeah.
Thank you very much. We are
here talking to Mary Lou Corkle.
Any progress with Cuba?
Well, just keep trying.
I swear to God.
This Castro thing is gonna kill me.
I mean, it is insane.
- She will not let it go.
- Forget Castro. Come on.
- I mean, what you want is a more creative angle.
- Such as?
- Elena Villagolla.
- Who?
One of the women the C.I.A. Hired to
try and kill him back in the sixties.
Excuse me. I believe this is
a smoke-free building.
Blow me. Apparently, the C.I.A. Cooked up
this death oil that could pass as perfume.
The idea was she'd rub it on, Castro
would be kissin' her and lickin' her...
- Don't editorialize.
- Sorry. He was supposed to croak right after.
Eddie could find the sex
factor in just about any subject.
He, of course,
considered this a gift.
- Nina, you left these earrings in my bathroom.
- You don't waste any time.
- Cynic.
- Slut.
But if Eddie was enough
to make me lose hope in all men,
it only took one
to bring it back again.
- Hey, Rick.
- How you doin', Eddie?
You are the only one I
haven't met yet. I'm Ray Brown.
- This is our new executive
producer. - Oh, from Washington.
I saw that piece you produced
for Newsline. That was brilliant.
Wow.
Thank you very much.
We just did a follow-up piece. That's
why I'm a little late getting up here.
- Oh.
- Well, I better scoot.
Jane, you want me to get 'em to turn the
A.C. Up? You're looking a little flushed.
Okay.
- Jane Goodale.
- I know. That's an interesting name.
- People must confuse you with the scientist.
- Yeah.
- They're always asking me if I'm into chimps.
- Are you?
Not really. I mean, maybe
Curious George when I was five.
Ah. Curious George
was a monkey, not a chimp.
- A man who knows his primates.
- Yes, I do.
See you around. Oh, I heard Len Chaney's
people are giving you a hard time.
Yeah, they're afraid it's gonna turn
into an abortion debate and get ugly.
Which is, uh, right.
- Of course. - So
guarantee Diane won't bring it up,
and we'll plant somebody in the
audience to initiate it during Q&A.
I think you came to the
right show, Ray Brown.
So he'scute.
- Very.
Mm-hmm.
Care to elaborate?
Pale blue eyes, athletic, sort
of, um, J. Crew, but not as preppy.
- Oh, that guy again.
- Are you going to buy anything or not?
- Sh-Shush! I'm
concentrating! - Okay.
- Marital status?
- Girlfriend.
Why are we having
this conversation?
You know what? You're
right. He's too much work.
And even if I were up to it,
with my luck,
he'd probably end up
marrying her anyway.
Wow. There's the cynical b*tch
I know and love.
So that's it. Case closed.
Leaving this one alone.
You feeling carnivorous?
Absolutely.
So what else do I need
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