Ruby Sparks

1

There you are.

I've been looking for you.

Have you seen my other shoe?

What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Go potty.

Scotty.

Come on, boy. Scotty.

Go potty, Scotty.

Don't look at me like that.

Yes?

Great way to start the day, right?

I think I'm gonna puke.

Mom said you went on a date last week.

How'd it go?

It was okay.

"Okay" as in you got laid?

Harry.

What?

She can't hear you.

Don't you wanna have sex,

like, ever again in your life?

Yes. I just don't think

that I'm the dating type.

Girls only wanna sleep with me

because they read my book in high school.

So?

So they're not interested in me.

They're interested

in some idea of me.

That's why you should keep working out.

That way, they'll want you for your body.

What does this thing

even do?

It turns you into a god.

Keep going.

Hey, I had a weird dream last night.

There was this girl and she was...

What'd she look like?

Just a normal girl.

Just a girl I made up.

Well, what happened?

She just talked to me.

That's depressing.

Actually, it was really nice.

Seriously? You don't even get laid

in your dreams? That's...

That's just sad.

Hey, how's the new book coming along?

I don't know. I get a good idea,

like why don't I write about my dad?

And then, bam, I start thinking

that it's the stupidest thing ever.

Who wants to read about,

"He was disappointed in me...

...blah, blah, blah"?

Also, I'm feeling ambivalent

about Scotty.

Yeah, he slobbers. He chews things.

He pees like a girl,

which makes me feel inadequate.

He needs to go outside a lot, breaks up

my day. That's why I'm not writing.

Do you think that's why you're not writing?

No.

Why do think you're not writing?

Can I have Bobby now?

Do you need Bobby now?

Yes.

Calvin...

...when's the last time

you saw a friend?

Harry. Yesterday.

No, no.

Someone other than your brother.

Uh, have you been giving Bobby

to your other patients?

No, Bobby is just for you.

Because he smells weird.

Calvin...

...when you were deciding to get Scotty,

what did we talk about?

What did you say your hopes were?

Do you remember?

That he would help me meet people.

A little louder, please?

That he would be

awesome and we'd take hikes and stuff.

And people would stop to pet him,

and I would meet them.

But Scotty gets scared

when people try to pet him.

Does that embarrass you?

No.

I wanna give you a writing assignment.

I can't write.

Okay.

This would just be for me.

I'd like you to write a page...

...about someone who sees Scotty

all slobbery and scared...

...and likes him anyway,

just the way he is.

You think you could

do that for me?

Can it be bad?

I'd like it to be very bad.

I first met Calvin

when he was 19 years old.

And he'd already been at the top...

...of The New York Times Best Seller list,

uh, for several months.

And I remember thinking:

"Who the f*** is this kid?

And, uh, how can I go back in time

and be him?"

A high-school dropout

with acne still on his chin...

...gave us what may very well become

a classic American novel.

Since then, of course,

we've all enjoyed his short stories...

...uh, including last year's novella,

Breakfast for Dinner.

But it was only when I sat down

and reread his novel...

...now available in a beautiful

10th anniversary edition...

...that, uh, I realized just how good a writer

Calvin Weir-Fields is.

We are lucky to have him around.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Calvin Weir-Fields.

Phenomenal, man. Just brilliant.

Thank you. Thanks.

Brilliant.

Thanks so much.

Calvin.

Hi.

You know that chapter where

Charlie goes to the whorehouse?

Did you dress the whores blue because

it's the color of his mother's apron?

I'm sorry...

How did you know

where to send your manuscript?

I looked it up.

Oh, of course.

Is it weird for you that you

used to be so successful?

There's the man.

Cyrus, you gotta remind me

about these things.

You have to check

your messages, buddy.

I would've worn something nicer.

No one cares what you're wearing.

You are a genius.

Don't use that word.

Mr. Perrotta, over here.

- Calvin always had talent.

- Over here.

But that, unfortunately, is not enough.

- Langdon, right here!

- All I did, really...

...was guide him in the right direction

and, uh, like, pass the baton.

Mabel.

What?

I'm Mabel.

Oh, do I know you?

No, no.

Do you want my number?

It's a one-off, that book.

Great.

It's the first album of an indie band.

Thank you.

It has that sort of

unselfconscious verve...

...that, um... That you don't, uh...

Then, of course, there's

the second album syndrome, which...

We don't talk about that.

Everyone loves this book,

but we wanna hear what you're doing now.

What matters is right now.

What are you working on? Are you?

They love you, then they throw you away.

I mean, if I'm gonna include anybody...

- It's actually easier...

...if you've only ever been mediocre.

If you've been at the top...

Hi. Sorry.

- Hi.

- It can kill you.

Yeah, Salinger

had the right idea. He...

Write what you can, then,

pssh, disappear, you know?

So I've had a drink.

But no coke. I didn't...

No coke.

I didn't do any coke.

Scotty?

Sorry I'm late, buddy.

Scotty?

Scotty, what the f***?

Oh.

She's so cute.

What?

Your dog. She's so cute.

Oh, he's a boy dog.

He just peed like a girl.

Have we met before?

I don't think so.

Do you mind if I draw him?

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