Roald Dahl's Esio Trot Page #5

I don't understand.

Is this in another language?

Yes and no.

Now, according to the Bedouin...

...tortoises are very

backwards creatures.

So, therefore it's logical that

they would only understand words

that are spoken backwards, you see.

Oh, I see. So "Esio Trot"

is "tortoise" backwards.

- Yes.

- Oh! Oh, yes.

"Esio Trot, Esio Trot..." Yes.

"Emoc no, Esio Trot.

"Worg pu...

".. ffup pu, toohs pu."

There's a lot of "pu's" in it.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Pu is a

very powerful word in any language.

Are you having me on, Mr Hoppy?

Is this serious?

Mrs Silver, I have never been

more serious in my life.

Well... I suppose it could be true.

The world's full of wonders.

I once heard that a cockroach can

live for two weeks without a head.

- Is that right?

- Well, apparently.

And bats always turn left

- when they leave the cave.

- Yes, I heard that.

And dolphins understand French.

- Really?

- So, I suppose this could work.

What this is really saying is

"Tortoise, tortoise,

"get bigger, bigger."

Er...

"Grow up, puff up, shoot up" -

not what they mean these days.

Oh, that's a relief.

"Spring up", "blow up"...

Again, not the violent version.

"Swell up."

Um, er...

"Gorge, guzzle, stuff, gulp.

"Put on fat, tortoise, put on fat.

"Get on! Get on!

"Gobble food."

That's it.

And if my memory serves me correct,

my friend told me that all you have

to do is pick up little Alfie

right up to your face

and say it three times a day,

morning, noon and night.

- And if you do it...

- What time at night?

Before dinner.

- And if you do it properly...

- His dinner or my dinner?

- Does it matter?

- Well, you tell me.

- You're the one with all

the inside Bedouin knowledge. - Yes.

Quite right.

Before your dinner.

And I'm betting

that by the end of the month,

he'll be twice the size he is now.

And that's a conservative estimate,

Mrs Silver.

Well, goodness. I can't believe it.

But if it works, oh, Mr H,

I'll never be able

to thank you enough.

You'll be the marvellous man

who made all my dreams come true.

Well, wouldn't that be wonderful?

"Esio Trot, Esio Trot..."

'Suddenly, for the first time ever,

'the happiness of two human beings

rested entirely

'on the possibility of a small

tortoise becoming a big tortoise.'

Which, of course, was

a very serious issue indeed

because what Mr Hoppy had devised

here was no simple thing.

It was,

and I won't mince my words here,

the greatest and most complicated

plan in the long and noble history

of tortoise-based tale-telling.

I have 16 tortoises for sale.

From small to large to enormous.

Each one comes

with its own certificate,

and you should know I do not sell

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