Return to Nuke 'Em High Volume 1 Page #4

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a juicy roast beef sammich

with dipping sauce...

dipping sauce.

You heard what he said, guys...

dipping sauce.

You know what that means, right?

Yeah, and I can feel my blood sugar

dipping right now.

- I want to eat it.

- Let's go.

It's cheaper than monkey sh*t,

and these kids can't get enough

of it in their gullet.

BOY:
Hey, what's that green stuff

in the gluten-free tacos

for Terrance, the glee club,

and the other nerds?

BOY #2:
Oh, that? That's just

nonchemically polluted guacamole.

BOY #1:
Wait, why did you mention

they were nonchemically polluted?

BOY #2:

Uh, no reason.

BOY #1:

Eh, whatever. I'm hungry.

( CRUNCHING )

GIRL:

Hey, Terrance!

How's that green, gluten-free,

nonchemically polluted taco?

Maybe we need

A different city

Maybe we need

A different town

Maybe we need

A different city

Maybe we need

A different town.

Hi, guys.

Mind if I sit here?

No.

Oh, my God.

( MAN FARTS )

Hi. I'm Lauren.

- ( GUNFIRE )

- ( STUDENTS SCREAMING )

Don't worry,

it's just another school shooting.

CNN won't even

cover them anymore.

You can chill.

Wow, rich girl

ain't f***ing around.

Where did you get

your lunch box... Tiffany's?

( LAUGHING )

Hey, you guys,

I heard about this sick

party/rave

in one of Tromaville's

356 foreclosed houses.

You all should come.

That sick party/rave

happens to be happening

in my foreclosed house,

thank you very much.

But it's only a small gathering,

so please keep it on the down low.

Gross.

Guys, guys, what with exams

coming up and whatnot,

a blowout party/rave

is just what Eugene needs!

Great.

I'm so happy for Eugene, who refers

to himself in the third person

and will finally be able to blow off

some steam at my expense.

I actually heard on NPR

that the stress of studying for exams

and getting into a good college

is actually worse

than the stress

our soldiers face

in Afghanistan.

- ( SNICKERS )

- The next time your car

gets blown up by an IED

or you're forced to bag the bodies

of children killed by a suicide bomber,

you tell me if that stress

is greater than getting into Hobart.

- ( CHRISSY SNAPS FINGERS )

- STUDENTS:
Oh!

Wow, Slater,

you have family members

in Afghanistan?

No.

But I did illegally download

"The Hurt Locker"

and got sued by the filmmakers.

You see, Lauren,

now that's stress.

Look at this b*tch

and her Jap food.

( BOY GIGGLING )

Miso soup, me so hungry.

( LAUREN GRUNTING )

Get away from me, you bully.

( SLOWED DOWN ) I am so,

so sorry.

( STUDENTS CHANTING )

Fight, fight, fight, fight!

LAUREN:

What are you doing?

Punch her uterus!

( SHRIEKS )

Stop! That's enough.

You are both going to detention

after school today.

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