National Lampoon's Gold Diggers Page #3

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Which of you two elegant gentlemen

Is Cal?

These are for you, Miss Mundt.

Oh. ..please.

Call me Betty.

Howvery asian of you.

What? What?

His tongue swells up

when he gets nervous.

Oh...

Oh.

Sweet.

Would you two boys care for a, uh,

Sake martini?

Do you want to go into

the living room and sit?

Let's...let's go into the living room

And sit.

Um, I just wanna say I feel terrible

About what I did to yourtesticles.

They swelled up

like grapefruit, ma'am.

Actually, it was more like tomatoes,

Two big, bright red

beefsteak tomatoes.

Yes.

Beefsteak. Yeah.

Would you boys like

a nice piece of candy

To suckle on?

Thank you, ma'am.

Come on.

Come on. Here.

Here you go.

Got one.

There was a... Hair on it.

I retain water like the hoover dam.

Have you ever seen

the hoover dam?

Betty:
I have that kind of bloat.

So, uh, howdoes it feel

to be out and about?

Well, ma'am, this may come

as a complete surprise to you,

But prison life...

Isn't for everybody.

Especially us.

And I wouldjust like to say that

Me and Cal are real

sorry we tried to rob you

In that filthy, filthy alley.

You weren't planning on

molesting us, were you?

Molesting?

With what?

These boys are not molesters, Doris.

They'rejust criminals.

And Pmjust curious...

Why the sudden change

of heart, Miss Mundt?

Betty is fine, Leonard.

Hmmph! I'm so relieved to hearthat.

You know, um,

looking at those suits,

I can only begin to imagine

Howbrutal life has been for you.

All you boys need

Is one good break.

That would be nice, Miss Mundt.

Betty, Lenny.

Your last name is Lenny?

L gotta pee.

I gotta pee in the house.

I gotta pee, see?

Down the hall and to the right.

Oh, and don't forget to lift the seat

Because we would hate to

have any tinkle on ourtushies.

Cal:
Lenny, you wanna

come with me?

Oh, isn't it cute?

They go to the bathroom

togetherjust like girls.

Marry Betty and Doris?

The Mundt sisters?

The two out there

in the living room?

I'm telling you. they're perfect.

It's brilliant. It's the

answerto all our problems.

I'm gettin'that bad feeling again.

Hey, hey, hey-

Once we take that

long, terrible walk

Down the aisle and stammer out I do,

We become the legal

heirs to their entire estate.

Now, stick with the plan.

We marry them, we insure 'em

And we kill 'em.

You got that?

Yes.

Let me hear you say it.

We marry 'em, insure 'em,

then kill 'em.

Perfect.

They're lonely, wealthy women

Lookin'for some lovin'

In their waning, waning years.

You think that's--

that's why they invited us here?

A-and dropped the charges?

Of course, Len.

Are you kidding me?

To broads like that,

You and me are fresh, young meat

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