
National Geographic: The Savage Garden
- Year:
- 1997
- 21 Views
God Almighty first planted a garden,
and indeed it is
the purest of human pleasures.
"Cultivators of the earth,"
according to Thomas Jefferson,
are the most valuable citizens.
They are the most vigorous,
the most independent,
the most virtuous.
Or, as my aunt Mildred said,
Never throw meat in the compost pile.
Hi, I'm Leslie Nielsen.
Welcome to my garden.
I'm sure it's a lot like yours
cool, serene, completely under control.
Time to wake up and smell the roses.
The backyard is a killing field.
It's a realm of stalkers...
serial killers...
aerial combat...
venom...
death.
So, if you're looking
for peace and quiet...
stay away from the...
savage garden.
A garden is a little slice of nature
where you get to call the shots.
You see:
A raked lawn.A well-skimmed lily pond.
Perfect rows of vegetables.
Voltaire once wrote,
or was it Martha Stewart?
We must cultivate our garden.
Well, they're both wrong.
Pruning, planting,
whacking your weeds?
It's all beside the point!
Because the place cannot be controlled
So give it up!
Ask not what you
can do for your garden.
Ask what your garden can do for you.
Because with the right approach,
your backyard can expand your mind.
But you need the
right tool for the job.
I like to watch.
Because when you're "gardening,"
you're too busy to see anything.
And you're missing
all the strange and wonderful
wildness of a place
that's close to home.
And I don't mean the mall.
Now this may come as a surprise,
but I wasn't always this wise.
But I came face-to-face
with the naked garden
and I was forced to open my eyes.
What I discovered wasn't always pretty
but it was always fascinating.
Let me tell how it happened.
I felt like a
I ran a tight ship.
Yeah, I thought I was in charge.
Still, the vegetable
patch held to its own pace...
always about a month
behind my appetite!
Every day, until my tomatoes were ripe
I'd be there, watchful and proud.
I felt like a maestro,
and the vegetables were my orchestra.
And we made beautiful
gazpacho together.
I never suspected that even among
my precious tomatoes,
a trespasser ran amok.
It was a shrew.
This ravenous pipsqueak needs to eat
For his size, he's one of the fiercest
predators in the world.
But a year ago,
I didn't even know he existed.
My mind was in the mulch.
I was too busy
savoring the fruits of my labor.
I don't like to brag,
but I thought I knew my onions.
Now all the while, this little fellow
he weighs no more than a wet tea bag
had the run of the place.
Like it or not, shrews are among the
garden's most common mammals.
They love to dig around for worms
and beetles, spiders, snails.
They work day and night,
hunting one hour,
then napping the next.
That's a schedule I could settle into.
Shrews operate at such a furious pace
that just missing a meal
could kill them.
When they're on the go,
they really live life in the fast lane.
Under stress, their hearts beat
up to 1, 300 times a minute
like mine during my last audit.
It's safe to say that no perfume maker
has ever been inspired by a shrew.
Glands on their bellies
put out a musky smell.
Only a predator with a
strong stomach will take one on.
tough enough for the job.
He's one of the backyard's
great hunters
at home in the water
as well as on land.
He tastes the air with his tongue
and picks up a whiff of a shrew.
Following the trail,
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"National Geographic: The Savage Garden" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 15 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/national_geographic:_the_savage_garden_14578>.