Naked Gun 33 1\3: The Final Insult

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Hey, look! It's the President!

And the Pope!

Oh, my God! Look!

It's disgruntled postal workers.

Wait a minute!

Give me my baby back!

- Are you all right?

- I'm soaking wet.

- I'll get the talcum powder.

- It's not that.

I had a nightmare.

Crime all around me, I couldn't stop it.

- Frank, it was just a dream.

- You're right.

All I need is a good night's rest.

Tomorrow everything will be fine.

How's my little boy?

Getting along OK, sweetie?

As well as a heterosexual can in prison.

I don't know if I can take it any longer.

- How's Tanya?

- Tanya's the same.

Milky, creamy skin,

pouting red lips, firm buttocks,

ample breasts, ears you'd love

to stick your tongue into...

- I'll get guy cramps if you keep this up.

- Sorry.

There's somebody here to see you.

Pahpshmir!

- My people are very upset.

- Of course, they're Arab terrorists.

You're supposed to be

the world's best terrorist bomber.

- Train stations, government buildings.

- The devastation in South Florida.

- That was Hurricane Andrew.

- That's what they told the public.

We wanted to embarrass the USA.

You've made the police look like heroes.

I told you. A first-class job

would cost five million.

If you want to step up the price,

I got a target that'll make City Hall

look like chicken feed.

A big target.

Why should anything be different?

Because five million dollars buys me!

I'm breaking out of here.

If you fail this time, Mr. Dillon,

my people won't be so forgiving.

Fail? Show me one man

who can stop me.

Attention shoppers, be sure to check

out our special on paper towels.

That's aisle seven.

Hey!

- Give it to me!

- My purse! Somebody help me!

- Let go of the purse, lady!

- Help me!

For he's a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good fellow...

...which nobody can deny.

Well, we shot a lot of people together.

It's been great.

Today I retire. If I do any shooting now,

it'll have to be in my own home.

Hopefully, it'll be an intruder and not

an in-law like at my bachelor party.

Ed, I officially give you my gun...

...and my badge.

And... Jane and I would like

to keep the handcuffs as a souvenir.

Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye.

This is just "I won't ever see you again".

- Somebody help me!

- Out of my way!

- It. Drebin! Frank! Didn't you see that?

- What? Oh...

Yes, kitty litter.

Two bags for a dollar. Great!

Order. The jury will disregard that

last statement. Continue, counselor.

- The alimony had been set by the court.

- Yes, but...

You haven't paid alimony in two years,

repeatedly defying a court order.

- Isn't that right, Mr. Clayton?

- I'd lost her address. She moved twice.

Don't lie to me. You're under oath.

Do you know

what the penalty for perjury is?

- I'll ask you that again.

- Objection!

Your Honor, I... Ow, ow, gee.

- Counsel is leading the witness.

- Sustained!

Mommy said no pounding

when she's in session.

Read the prosecution's last statement.

"Don't lie to me, Mr. Clayton.

You're under oath." Good boy.

"Do you know

what the penalty for perjury is?"

That's all I have, Your Honor.

You may continue, Ms Spencer-Drebin.

Prosecution rests.

Defense Attorney

Ms Davies-Jacobs-Steiner-Lazlo.

No further questions.

Court will recess

until after the morning feeding.

- We can win this. I can feel it.

- Yes, of course.

- I married the wrong man.

- I never thought that was possible.

- I beg your pardon?

- Oh, nothing.

Louise, there's no such thing

as the wrong man.

You just have to work at it.

Now, let's see.

Mr. and Mrs. Drebin, right?

Now, you two have been married

for six months?

Yes. We really appreciate

you seeing us, Doctor.

Our last therapist recommended you.

Yes, I was sorry

to hear about his suicide.

A couple need to get off on the right foot

and not get caught up in blame.

- Now, which one of you is impotent?

- That would be him.

Yes, of course.

- Why don't you ask who's frigid?

- That would be him.

- How would you know?

- He resents that I'm a working woman.

He has no idea

what a woman wants or needs.

- You're so insensitive.

- Is this that toilet seat thing?

I want to have a baby. Every time

we make love, you have a headache.

I'm not a piece of meat. I'm trying!

I've got ointments, lotions, creams,

books, things that vibrate...

- Frank!

- Maybe it's your fault.

Have you tried sexy lingerie?

Lacy underwear? A black teddy?

- I've tried them all. They don't work.

- Oh!

Why don't you want a child?

Didn't I try to adopt

that 18-year old Korean girl?

Jane, Frank, here's what I suggest.

Make tonight a special night.

Dinner, wine, romantic music.

Put on the 24-hour Johnny Mathis

station. Just be Jane and Frank.

Lovers!

We haven't had a night like that

in a long time.

- Not together.

- Frank!

Jane, having a baby

is a big responsibility.

Like being in charge of sanitation

at a Haitian jail.

I'm just frightened.

Let's make tonight something special.

Oh, honey, it's just

that I love you so much.

My little lover sparrow.

My puppy wuppy wuvver.

My little love biscuit.

- My little snookie wookums.

- My little lady cheesy puffy.

Mr. and Mrs. Drebin, please, I'm

a diabetic. I think you ought to go now.

- I never thought we'd end this way.

- How did you think we'd end?

I don't know. Some other way.

Oh, Jason, please...

Bobbi...

- I've been hurt before.

- We have to fight this thing together.

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