My Best Friend's Girl Page #4

A lot of angels, Dust.

- Why you gotta be such an a**hole?

- It's what I do, man.

Good luck. If you need them,

condoms are in the medicine cabinet.

If not, Jergens lotion,

underneath my bed.

Dusty, this is absurd.

What? You love steak,

we're eating steak.

- You're a vegan.

- Not tonight. Eat, eat, eat. Enjoy.

I feel a little guilty loving steak

so much and you're a vegan.

But whatever.

I love the way you eat.

I love that you eat.

I love that you pay.

Seriously, though, I just love

watching you do anything.

I love it... I love you, Alexis.

I love you.

Oh, sh*t.

We just said more than once

we're gonna keep it light.

- We work together, we're friends.

- That's what I'm supposed to say.

Right? I mean, I'm supposed to be

the relationship tough guy, you know?

I'm the dude.

The dude can't just come out with:

"I've loved you since the moment

I first saw you, pounding out...

...a lender's agreement,

eating Cocoa Puffs...

...while some pretty boy

drooled over you."

- Michi Yamana.

- Yeah, Michi Yamana. Dick.

So I love you, madly.

Sorry. L... l... I know I need to stop.

Now, stop. Just stop speaking,

Dustin. Just shut your mouth.

I'm sorry. Wow, kamikaze, huh?

See, this is what you do to me.

- What do I say here, but...?

- I'm sorry.

But do you know how hard it's been

trying to play it cool?

- It's been five weeks.

- I know.

We haven't even had sex.

Well, that's why we're here, Alexis.

I wanted to talk to you about...

I think I'm ready

to take the next step.

Sex isn't a step, Dustin.

Being exclusive would be a step

or moving in together is a step.

Then let's move in together.

I need you to take me home.

But it just felt so right.

It just felt so right.

No, it does, it feels right.

Just not right now.

"Just not right now."

Oh, God.

God, I'm a fag.

- Dude, you canceled Spice.

- It was like 21 bucks a month, dude.

Someone had a rough night.

I'm Mr. Right...

...just not Mr. Right Now.

What...? What does that even mean?

What does that even mean?

- I told her I loved her...

- Oh, no.

What?

I went in early. No, no, I know.

I went in a little early, but she...

- Thanks for your support. Sweet.

- Dustin.

Dusty, look.

This too shall pass, all right?

But that journey begins...

...with self-exploration.

And I'm holding the map, Dusty.

Hey.

Kid, I got your 'bate crate.

You know how much

you love your 'bate crate.

"I'm like comfort food for your penis."

- What do I do?

- Okay.

What do you do?

Okay, let's look at the options.

Stalk her. But you're never gonna

be with her. Love her from a distance.

Never have a family but you could

love her kids from a distance.

Murder-suicide,

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