Me, Myself & Irene

Synopsis: Charlie is a Rhode Island state trooper with a multiple personalities. He is otherwise mild-mannered and non confrontational until somebody or something pushes him a little too far. That's when his maniacal alter-ego, Hank, takes over. Charlie is assigned on a routine mission to return alleged fugitive Irene back to upstate New York, but they wind up on the run from corrupt police officers. And their escape would be a lot simpler on everybody involved if Hank didn't keep stepping in at the most inopportune times....
Genre: Comedy
Production: 20th Century Fox
  2 wins & 4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
49
Rotten Tomatoes:
47%
R
Year:
2000
116 min
$560,525
Website
195 Views

l got a star on my car

and one on my chest

A gun on my hip and the right to arrest

l'm a guy who's the boss on this highway

So watch out what you're doin'

when you're drivin' my way

lf you break the law

you'll hear from me, l know

l'm workin' for the state

l'm the highway patrol

Well, you'll know me when you see me

'cause my door's painted white

My siren a-screamin'

and my flashin' red light

l work all day and l work all night

Just to keep the law and order

tryin' to do what's right

lf l write you out a ticket

then you'd better drive slow

l'm just a-doin' my job

l'm the highway patrol

l'm the highway patrol

the highway patrol

My hours are long and my pay is low

But l'll do my best

to keep you drivin' slow

l'm just a-doin' my job

l'm the highway patrol

Meet Charlie.

Helpful dad, upstanding citizen,

and an 1 8-year veteran of the greatest

law enforcement agency in the land:

the Rhode lsland State Police.

That's Charlie's home.

Modest, like the man.

Even though he lived on the water,

Charlie wasn't much of a swimmer,

which will come into play

a little later in our story.

But l'm getting way ahead of myself.

You know, maybe it's best if we just

go back and begin at the beginning.

As a young man,

Charlie had the world by its bootstraps.

He was the best young trooper

on the force,

and was dating

the prettiest and smartest gal in town.

Her name was Layla. . .

Just like the melody.

Charlie,

you've no idea how much l love you.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Well, will you stay with me

no matter what?

Of course, Charlie.

What if l had to move to the Arctic

and you could never come home

and had to eat whale blubber for the rest

of your life? Would you still stay with me?

Yeah, l'd stay.

But l hope that never happens.

Yeah, me too.

Well, by springtime

they had made it official.

Boy, let me tell you,

that was some wedding.

lt was presided over

by Father Ken Gumbert,

and half of the Rhode lsland

State Police Force was in attendance.

-Congratulations, Charlie.

-Thank you, Captain.

All right!

Look what l got!

Here you go.

Excuse me, do you people take checks?

Say that again. Do "we people"

take checks? You mean a black man?

No, no, no, no! God, no. Your company.

Don't give me that bullshit!

That was a racist slur.

-No, it wasn't. l would never. . .

-Tell you what, l'll make it easy for you.

Why don't you just pay me in cotton

or a cartload of watermelons?

Or how's about some fried chicken, 'cause

you know black people love fried chicken !

-Hey, no, come on now.

-What's going on?

This cat don't believe a n*gger knows how

to cash a check! Ain't that 'bout a bitch?

Charlie, l don't wanna ever hear you

use the n-word in this house.

What!

l never said anything remotely racist!

-Oh, so it's a "little people" thing, then.

-No!

You think just 'cause l'm small you can

push me around? Come on, let's boogie.

l'm gonna give you a little lesson

in low center of gravity.

Stop it! Cut it. . . Stop it now. Sir!

Don't patronize me with that "Sir" crap!

Hey, those are illegal. Stop.

Oh, it's on now. lt's on !

-Charlie, don't hit him !

-Me?

Charlie! Stop it! Charlie, stop it!

Let me handle this. Stop it!

Excuse me, Mr. Jackson. . .

Stop it! Wait. What is your first name?

lt's Shont.

Shont, l am so, so sorry. l apologize.

Come on here.

Let me walk you to your car.

l have no patience for people

who judge books by their cover.

And you shouldn't have to!

Treating me like a dumbshit!

l mean, who does he think he's talking to?

l'm a professor of molecular genetics

at Brown.

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Peter Farrelly

Peter John Farrelly (born December 17, 1956) is an American film director, screenwriter, producer and novelist. The Farrelly brothers are mostly famous for directing and producing gross-out humor romantic comedy films such as Dumb and Dumber, Shallow Hal, Me, Myself and Irene, There's Something About Mary and the 2007 remake of The Heartbreak Kid. In addition to his extensive film career, Peter is also an acting board member of the online media company DeskSite. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Me, Myself & Irene" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 22 Sep. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/me%2C_myself_%252526_irene_13550>.

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