Love Don't Cost a Thing Page #6

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...of this rite of passage

between the father and his son.

Me and you right now, it's big.

And kick.

Jump, jump.

And mambo.

Now kick him in the nuts, girl.

Kick him in the face. And punch.

Chop, chop.

This here, son...

...is your hope chest.

This is my legacy to you.

A hope chest?

They come in all different sizes

and colors.

Let me talk to you, son.

This right here, son--

Look at me, boy. Watch this here.

This is the Trojan ribbed, lubricated.

Sturdy, reliable, dependable. Like a truck.

When you don't really know what you into,

and it get a little rough for you...

...makes you downshift.

This one here, son....

This is the super-size...

...Magnum majestic.

The prophylactic Cadillac.

Oh, yeah.

This is when you find yourself

and you're there.

You done got so comfortable with yourself

you done built up a reputation.

You feel me?

And this one here, son,

be extra careful...

...because that's

Mr. Little Extra Sensitive.

You really don't need this,

especially on the first round.

You'll enjoy the ride too much, end up on

the curb somewhere out of commission.

You don't want that.

Save this for round three.

Because believe me,

there's gonna be a round three.

Look at me. Feel me.

All right, now, look strong. Come on, son.

Close your mouth. There you go.

Keep it tight. Work with it.

Love you, man.

--seven eight, and chop, chop.

And mambo. Lucy Liu!

Now kick him in the nuts, girl.

Kick him in the face. And punch.

Chop, chop. Yeah. Mambo.

Lucy Liu, now.

Kick him in the back, the face.

Punch. Chop, chop. Mambo.

Lucy Liu. Now kick him in the nuts, girl.

Kick him in the face. Step, punch.

Girl, you know better than that.

You better put that chicken wing

down, okay?

I see you, girl.

Five, six, seven, eight, down.

And wiggle.

And shimmy.

And five and six and....

Touch yourself, come on.

Hold me tight. Yes.

Oh, hell, no.

-Hey, fellas, how you doing?

-Hey, Mr. Johnson. What's going on?

Look, l got a bit of bad news for you.

lt seems like Alvin done moved.

He don't stay here no more.

This has ceased to be funny.

Hey, ain't nobody playing with you,

now.

Listen to me. l know you been friends

with Alvin since first grade...

...but Alvin dating a girl now.

He don't need to be hanging around

y'all scientific-looking ass...

...no more.

Stop all that, now.

-Y'all take it easy, okay?

-Come on, Mr. Johnson!

Get your big, wide ass off the door.

You gonna mess around, and l'm gonna

get my Roto-Rooter and stick it--

-Come on in!

-All right, yeah. Exactly. Let me in.

Alvin, your dad's funny.

So, what's going on?

l'm not asking him.

Okay, look, well, we always sit together

at the games in the visitors section, and....

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