Let's Kill Ward's Wife Page #4

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I think last time I saw her

was in a gifting suite.

What the f*** is that?

That's my point, Ron.

You will never close

with somebody like that

because you need a connection,

an introduction.

Tom, buddy? No way. Never.

All right. How about this?

If I sink this putt,

it'll happen.

You sink this putt,

I will sh*t in the cup.

Na na na na na na na...

Oh, god.

Oh!

Hey, I think you

owe me some poo.

Is that good?

Ward. He wants to know

who's ahead.

Radio silence. Yeah, no way.

No sac, no scores.

Daddy, what's a sack?

It's a bag of doughnuts.

Uh, ward didn't show up

with the bag of doughnuts, so...

I mean, seriously, tom, you know,

there's not rocking the boat,

and then there's sacrificing

your entire f***ing...

sorry. Your entire existence.

I get it. Which sometimes has

to occur when you have a kid.

Yeah. Little bit.

Christ, we haven't seen him

since the christening.

What? Me neither.

Yeah. He won't let us

come over. Germs.

I miss that p*ssy.

Daddy. I know.

I know, honey. Um, just, uh...

can you go get us some M&M's?

Terrible.

I mean, come on.

We joke about it, right?

We joke about it, but ward's

always been easy to be bullied.

She's a f***ing bully!

I mean, ever since she got

pregnant, she's got him.

He's f***ing trapped. He called

me before the baby was born.

She was, like, four or

five months pregnant.

He was in tears.

"I'm a horrible husband.

I can't make her happy.

I treat her badly."

What? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

She's got him believing that all

of her problems stem from him.

How his parents hate her

and all this f***ing bullshit.

We should just kill her.

Sure. Wife.

But you gotta think about the kid

growing up without a mother.

I wouldn't do that to a kid.

It's better than

growing up with that

troll as your mother.

That's so true. That's true.

Or we could kill him. Ramone?

What? Dude.

No, war... you don't kill

a f***ing baby.

Ward. I'd do that for him.

I'd do that for him.

It's a mercy killing.

Mm-mm. F*** that, because then the

kid's gotta grow up with her.

I wouldn't do that to the kid. Not

even one I'm not allowed to see.

Besides, if ward's not here,

who am I gonna wreck

on the golf course, huh?

David. Mm-mm. It's too easy.

Oh, yeah?

How's being separated?

Go f*** yourself.

Point made.

There's a theory

that everybody gets one.

One what? One murder.

Okay. How do you do it

and not get caught?

Well, she's got no friends.

Mom died. Dad doesn't

seem to care, I'm sure.

It's true...

no one would miss her.

What'd you do,

eat me for breakfast?

You should think of murder

at every address.

Daddy!

So what's the distance?

I don't know. 180, 190.

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