Let's Kill Grandpa This Christmas Page #4

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We're a couple of sick puppies.

- It just seems like you're always getting

the sh*t end of the stick, Carl.

And it breaks my heart.

I mean, you're my brother-in-law

and I care about you,

I really do.

- I care about you, too.

So what are you saying?

- I'm saying I drove

over here a few weeks ago

to take care of things.

- Take care of what?

- What have we been talking about, Carl?

I came here to stake our

claim, to put him to sleep.

- Geez, Brett.

- Don't bullshit me, Carl.

I know you've been thinking it, too.

We just established this.

- Thinking it, maybe, but

what you're saying is,

I mean, there's a big

difference between thinking--

- And doing, exactly.

The difference is ultimately

what defines a man's character.

So as I'm driving onto

his street that night,

I start thinking about you.

How maybe this was the type

of thing that you needed

to be doing.

And instantly, the following

thoughts start permeating

into my mind.

And I'm only saying this because

you're my brother-in-law.

I start hearing, "He's a

loser, he'll only f*** it up.

"He's anxious guy, those people

push him around all day."

And then I thought, no, no,

no, no, that's not true.

I thought my faithlessness

in you is based completely

on all the bullshit lies

you've been telling yourself

all these years.

That you believe these

lies so much about yourself

that you've got me believing in them, too.

And that's when I

realized, he can do this.

In fact, he needs to do this.

And who am I to deprive

him of that opportunity?

So I pulled into his neighbor's driveway,

turned around, and headed home.

Because for me, this is nothing.

I'm there already.

I'm living the dream, Carl,

and I don't give a f***.

But for you,

for you,

this could be life-changing.

This could be the first step

down the road less traveled.

- I'm not murdering my wife's grandfather

if that's what you're talking about.

- Don't use that word, Carl.

We're putting him to sleep.

Be the hero, Carl.

Be the one who makes all of

our holiday wishes come true.

Freshen up his tea with

a little bit of this.

We'll celebrate in the morning.

I'll cook you some flapjacks.

It's

Beckham, sprinting away!

- Go, go, go, go, go, yes!

- Haha, woo!

That is what I am talking about!

Cheers to the Giants bringing us home

the shiny Lombardi trophy.

- Mm-mm, do you think they'll bring that

over to your house later

or do you think they'll

swing on over to my place

for Brett to enjoy?

- Looks like you're

having a little too much

holiday cheer, Jen.

You're getting weird.

- Yeah, let's start

phasing out the egg nog

and start introducing the water.

- I think I'm entitled to a drink or two.

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