Let's Go to Prison Page #3

off the record,

I am going to

hurry this along,

but it's because

people like you

make me sick

and I don't want

your Drakkar Noir

stinking up my courtroom.

Prosecution,

present your case!

JOHN:

The three scariest words

in the English language.

"Trial by jury."

Juries are made up

of 12 people who are so dumb

they couldn't

even think up an excuse

to get out of jury duty.

I'm just proud to be

a part of the American

judicimal system.

I mean, uh, judaical.

I was so happy to be

picked for jury duty.

It's like

watching Court TV,

except I'm in the TV,

just like the boy

from Willy Wonka.

Before my daddy died,

he taught me one thing.

See the thumb goes away,

comes back.

Judaical system?

No. Jewidecimal system.

That ain't right.

(GRUNTING)

Mr. Hinkley?

Oh, yeah?

You may proceed

with your defense.

Watch this.

Ladies and gentlemen

of the jury,

you've all seen Jurassic Park

and yet you're aware

that Jeff Goldblum has

never actually been

attacked by dinosaurs.

Even though

you've seen it

with your own eyes

on a TV

not unlike that one.

I rest my case.

(LAUGHING)

Ladies and gentlemen

of the jury,

have you reached a verdict?

Yes, we have, Your Honor.

We, the jury,

find the defendant,

Nelson Biederman,

quilty.

FWAE-WAN:

Do you mean guilty?

Oh, yeah.

Well, it kind of

looked like it was a "Q."

Nelson Biederman,

you've been found

guilty of felony assault.

I sentence you to

three to five years

in the Rossmore State

Correctional Facility.

(GAVEL BANGING)

This court is adjourned.

(WHOOPS)

F***. F***.

F***, f***, f***.

NELSON:
F***!

JOHN:
Nelson Biederman IV

is gonna get

beaten, tortured, raped,

psychologically abused

and raped some more

by the so-called

justice system.

So why am I not happy?

I feels like

it's prom night

and everyone else

is porking my date.

I'm gonna have a heart attack

if you don't give me

my medication...

You see this all the time.

Ma'am, please, we need

to talk to Derek right now.

Oh, f*** you.

I don't even know

where he could be...

Can we talk to him?

You pissed me off because...

I mean I went to my own...

Do you own this house?

I mean...

And you know what?

I need my medication.

Silverman took my

medication away from me!

I could have a heart attack.

Hey, John,

you okay?

You seem sort of...

Clinically depressed.

Yeah.

I don't know, guys.

Don't you ever wonder

if there's more to life

than smoking grass

and watching guys

get arrested on TV?

I got some coke.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Hey.

You John?

We're here

to buy some pot.

Yeah,

my friend said

you'd hook us up.

My friend Ben Franklin?

JOHN:

Any felon worth his salt

can smell undercover cops

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