Let's Be Cops

Yeah

I want it that way

Tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a heartache

Tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a mistake

Tell me why

I never want to hear you say

want it that way

Don't look at me when

you sing that part.

Feel it!

Ugh.

That way

Man,

that was pretty fun.

What happened, man?

It's not a solo group. I

needed you up there with me.

That's why none of those

kids had solo careers.

I meant us.

What are you

talking about?

Remember when we

first moved here...

and we said if we didn't make

it by the time we were 30...

we would move

back to Ohio?

Remember that?

Yeah.

We're 30 as sh*t

right now.

And tomorrow you're

gonna sell your game, J.

That's a guarantee, dude.

And also, they're running

my commercial again.

Why would you want

them to run that?

What do you mean?

It's great exposure.

Is it?

I have.

Wave.

Wave.

Genital herpes.

Dude, I got $11,000

from that commercial.

I've been living

off that for 2 years.

Oh, just go talk to her,

you p*ssy.

You want me to open for you? I do not.

I'll be happy

to open for you.

The last girl you had

sex with was 55 years old.

Don't bring Jane

into this, dude.

What was I

supposed to say?

"Hi, I'm a 30-year-old assistant

at a video game company.

"Wanna meet my roommate?"

L.A. doesn't work

like that, dude.

F***ing piece

of sh*t!

Come on, do not do this

to me right now, bro.

Piece of sh*t!

What the-!

I hear you, dude!

One second!

I don't need the lights

in my face. I hear you!

Should I reverse into

him? Absolutely not.

Just go!

What?

Oh, no, you gotta

be kidding me.

Oh, dude, it's bad.

That's real damage.

Hey,dude!

Don't touch car.

You hit my car.

Are you kidding me?

Ryan, chill.

I'll get proof.

What the f***?

You need to watch

who you take picture of.

Don't touch

my friend, man!

What? I said get away from my friend.

Ryan.

I need your

insurance information.

Hey! Whoa, whoa!

Hey, get their

plates, man!

They don't have plates!

Damn it.

Hey, nobody move.

You guys are all witnesses.

What's up, guys?

How's everybody doing?

Everybody's good?

Cool. Cool. Um...

This...

is a character-driven

action game.

But don't think

of it as a game.

Think of it as

a real life experience.

You are a cop,

put in real life-

Okay, stop. Stop.

Shut that sh*t off.

Okay.

Spare me

the corny gimmicks.

What's the game about?

Um, it's called "Patrolman."

Patrol-Man. Huh.

I like that. What kind of

superpowers does he have?

Check out

this girl's p*ssy.

Oh, no, it's a cop, so he doesn't

have any superpowers or anything.

What does he have?

Is he a vampire,

or anything original?

You know

what's original?

Firefighters.

Yes.

Firefighters? Okay.

Who wants to be a cop?

I wanna shoot at cops.

I don't wanna be one.

Good point.

If I can just show

you guys the game.

Cops are actually

really cool.

No, they're not.

Shut up.

You know what's

really cool?

Zombies.

I want you to start working on

"Firefighters versus Zombies."

That's genius.

Boom!

What if it was a war between

firefighters and zombies?

Post-apocalyptic.

Set it in New York City and destroy

Manhattan. Hey. You writing this down?

All right,

we can win this!

Razor-15! 1-4-5! Hut!

1 Mississippi, 2

Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...

I'm open!

5 Mississippi, 6

Mississippi, 7 Mississippi...

Come on,

I'm wide open!

Rock you like a hurricane

Are you ready, baby?

Here I am

Rock you like a hurricane

Eat sh*t, Joey.

Rock you like a hurricane

Here I am

Whoa, ho-ho!

Yes!

This is good.

Everybody, huddle up!

Tommy, you gotta

block a little bit.

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