Let's Be Cops
Yeah
I want it that way
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain't nothin' but a mistake
Tell me why
I never want to hear you say
want it that way
Don't look at me when
you sing that part.
Feel it!
Ugh.
That way
Man,
that was pretty fun.
What happened, man?
It's not a solo group. I
needed you up there with me.
That's why none of those
kids had solo careers.
I meant us.
What are you
talking about?
Remember when we
first moved here...
and we said if we didn't make
it by the time we were 30...
we would move
back to Ohio?
Remember that?
Yeah.
We're 30 as sh*t
right now.
And tomorrow you're
gonna sell your game, J.
That's a guarantee, dude.
And also, they're running
my commercial again.
Why would you want
them to run that?
What do you mean?
It's great exposure.
Is it?
I have.
Wave.
Wave.
Genital herpes.
Dude, I got $11,000
from that commercial.
I've been living
off that for 2 years.
Oh, just go talk to her,
you p*ssy.
You want me to open for you? I do not.
I'll be happy
to open for you.
The last girl you had
sex with was 55 years old.
Don't bring Jane
into this, dude.
What was I
supposed to say?
"Hi, I'm a 30-year-old assistant
at a video game company.
"Wanna meet my roommate?"
L.A. doesn't work
like that, dude.
F***ing piece
of sh*t!
Come on, do not do this
to me right now, bro.
Piece of sh*t!
What the-!
I hear you, dude!
One second!
I don't need the lights
in my face. I hear you!
Should I reverse into
him? Absolutely not.
Just go!
What?
Oh, no, you gotta
be kidding me.
Oh, dude, it's bad.
That's real damage.
Hey,dude!
Don't touch car.
You hit my car.
Are you kidding me?
Ryan, chill.
I'll get proof.
What the f***?
You need to watch
who you take picture of.
Don't touch
my friend, man!
What? I said get away from my friend.
Ryan.
I need your
insurance information.
Hey! Whoa, whoa!
Hey, get their
plates, man!
They don't have plates!
Damn it.
Hey, nobody move.
You guys are all witnesses.
What's up, guys?
How's everybody doing?
Everybody's good?
Cool. Cool. Um...
This...
is a character-driven
action game.
But don't think
of it as a game.
Think of it as
a real life experience.
You are a cop,
put in real life-
Okay, stop. Stop.
Shut that sh*t off.
Okay.
Spare me
the corny gimmicks.
What's the game about?
Um, it's called "Patrolman."
Patrol-Man. Huh.
I like that. What kind of
superpowers does he have?
Check out
this girl's p*ssy.
Oh, no, it's a cop, so he doesn't
have any superpowers or anything.
What does he have?
Is he a vampire,
or anything original?
You know
what's original?
Firefighters.
Yes.
Firefighters? Okay.
Who wants to be a cop?
I wanna shoot at cops.
I don't wanna be one.
Good point.
If I can just show
you guys the game.
Cops are actually
really cool.
No, they're not.
Shut up.
You know what's
really cool?
Zombies.
I want you to start working on
"Firefighters versus Zombies."
That's genius.
Boom!
What if it was a war between
firefighters and zombies?
Post-apocalyptic.
Set it in New York City and destroy
Manhattan. Hey. You writing this down?
All right,
we can win this!
Razor-15! 1-4-5! Hut!
1 Mississippi, 2
Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...
I'm open!
5 Mississippi, 6
Mississippi, 7 Mississippi...
Come on,
I'm wide open!
Rock you like a hurricane
Are you ready, baby?
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
Eat sh*t, Joey.
Rock you like a hurricane
Here I am
Whoa, ho-ho!
Yes!
This is good.
Everybody, huddle up!
Tommy, you gotta
block a little bit.
Use your heart.
You block like a b*tch.
You're a ball hog!
Man up!
Joey, did you
see that sh*t?
Dude, that sh*t was tight.
Right?
Shut up, Joey.
Hey, don't tell him
to shut up.
Come on.
We're out of here.
Where are you
guys going?
Home!
What the f***, Ron?
It is a tie game!
You will not go pro
with that attitude, Ron!
You didn't go pro!
I got injured, man!
What's your excuse?
What do you do
all day, anyway?
What do you do all day?
Hang outwith Ron?
Shut up!
Why don't you
shut up, Ron?
Who is that guy?
Some loser.
he thinks he's our coach.
Ron's getting in my
f***ing head, dude.
Hello?
Ow!
Why would you do that?
Why'd you hit me
in the face?
You don'tjump
out on brothers.
We don't like that,
you know that!
I was just trying to show
you the costume for tonight.
God!
So how did we do today?
They... bought it.
Green light.
Yeah!
Oh, I'm so happy for you!
I knew it! Yeah!
And that's why we're going
to the party tonight in style.
Do you really
wanna do that?
It's gonna be like
a college reunion.
Yes!
I don't know, man.
I mean, they're throwing a costume
party in the middle of June.
That's what the e-vite said.
I don't know.
It doesn't make sense.
I'll tell you
what makes sense.
Us kicking ass and taking
names. We're ghosts.
You look ridiculous.
Then how about those?
My cop stuff?
No.
Why not?
No. Then how about this,
you f***ing downer...
Cops or ghosts?
Your choice.
We look ridiculous.
What are you talking
about? We look badass.
I feel like Danny Glover before
he got too old for this sh*t.
These vests are
really heavy.
Because they're
real bulletproof vests.
They are?
Yeah.
So all this is real?
Everything.
What about the guns?
Are the guns real?
Yeah, but they
don't fire.
What is the point
of that?
The police are here.
You idiot.
Why am I an idiot?
Because this is not a costume
party, it's a masquerade party.
That's the same thing.
Not the same thing.
Not the same thing.
Okay, relax.
Not the same thing.
Where are you going?
Hey, man! Congrats!
Oh, it's Justin!
Hey!
Ryan said you were a big
Oh.
I wouldn't say
big time...
but I
definitely work on games.
Come on! He said you just got
done selling some huge game!
What's it called? I'm
gonna tweet that sh*t out.
Um...
Patrolman versus Zombies...
Patrol-Man
versus Zombies, okay.
Versus Firefighters.
Patrol-Man versus Zombies
versus Firefighters.
Good seeing you.
What a game this has been.
It's been back and
forth the entire game.
Heck of a performance
from this guy...
Senior Quarterback,
Ryan O'Malley...
Hey, who's that
handsome guy?
O'Malley takes the snap,
avoids the blitz.
Nobody's open. O'Malley
is gonna take it himself.
He cuts across the field,
leaving Chandler in the dust.
He's at the twenty.
Two men to beat. Ten.
Five. Touchdown!
He made it! What a run!
O'Malley did it. He made it!
What a run!
Ryan O'Malley has just
delivered one of the greatest-
But I knew I could
beat the outside.
This has been a stellar
performance by O'Malley...
the young player
who we're hoping
to see a lot of
in the future...
O'Malley!
0h. yeah!
Oh! Everybody's here!
Great to see you guys!
I was just
watching the play.
What happened? We all thought
you would have gone pro.
Yeah, definitely.
You know, with the injury...
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"Let's Be Cops" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 4 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/let's_be_cops_12482>.
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