Kevin James Never Don't Give Up Page #4

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And you'll be talking to a shadow

of where I used to be."

Okay, nut allergy guy, you win.

You win the food allergy competition.

Yeah.

Know who I feel sorry for?

Shellfish allergy guy. You remember him?

Remember him from the late '70s?

He was the only game in town.

There were no food allergies then.

He was just rare.

He was just sitting out there.

He was running the game.

Imagine him today, trying to bring up

his scratchy throat and puffy ankles?

Nut allergy guy would grab him

by the shoulders

and knee him in the face!

I'm very, very blessed,

because I don't have food allergies.

I know some are tough. I can go

to any restaurant I want, which is great.

I'm very fortunate.

I don't like going to restaurants where

the waiters are too excited to be there.

You ever get them?

"Hey, how's everybody feeling tonight?"

Slow it down, man. Let's take it down.

You know, he's very excited?

"How's everything going?

How's everything taste so far?

Can I get you anything else? No?

Is everything good now?"

Could you let the food hit the back

of my throat?

Ever have the waiter

that feels comfortable enough

to sit down at your table with you

to take your order?

"How's everybody doing? My name's Cooper.

What can I start you off with?"

"Well, Cooper, I think we'll all start off

with a nice big bucket

of get your ass out of my booth."

"Everybody, we're good with that?

Then maybe some jalapeo poppers?"

"Yeah, just your ass out of the booth

and jalapeo poppers."

That's why I go to restaurants

like Benihana.

I like Benihana 'cause it takes the waiter

out of it really. Yeah.

It does. It's awesome,

where they cook right in front of you.

It's good,

and they give you a little show,

which they need to update the show.

I will be honest.

I don't need to see another

smoking onion ring volcano.

Or shrimp in the hat?

Hey, shrimp in the hat.

What, am I a five-year-old at magic camp?

How about more shrimp on my plate?

Why not work on that at the Hana?

Yes, I'm disappointed in the Hana

with the amount of shrimp they give you.

It's all about seat placement.

You got to find the right place to sit.

And I chose the wrong one...

Third base.

And unless you get, like, a southpaw chef

which is very rare,

you're gonna get boned on the shrimp

'cause they start off very excited.

They're full of adrenaline.

Their math skills aren't the greatest.

They're just kinda...

turn into Pete Townshend in the beginning

dishing out the shrimp

and you just see the pile dwindling.

You see it just going down.

I'm like,

"He's not even gonna make the turn."

"This is not gonna work out for me."

And he's not even being selective

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