Joe's Apartment

Synopsis: Joe comes from Iowa to New York and, being short of money, wants to find an apartment with very low rent. His quest is successful, but he must share the residence with some 50,000 cockroaches. The insects turn out to be Joe's best friends.
Director(s): John Payson
Production: Warner Home Video
  2 wins.
Rotten Tomatoes:
80 min

City by the mighty dirty river

City by the greasy rolling sea

I crawl so small

And it stands so tall

And it all belongs

To me

Welcome to Joe's apartment

It's our apartment, too

We've been around

for a hundred million years

And we'll be here long after you

Let's go to our place

It's a great big space

It's where I wanna be

Where friends all meet

And life is sweet

'Cause everything's for free

It's the joint, it's a gas

It's a big fat boot in the ass

Let's toast! Raise your glass

Here's to Joe! A man with class

So! Hello from Joe's apartment

You're gonna love the view

It's a nest that beats the rest

We're so glad that you're our guest

Come on in, we're all undressed

Joe's apartment, we welcome you!

Nice singing!

The movie's starting.

Dear Mom,

I made it to New York safe and sound.

Hands up, pinhead!

Dear Mom, I made it to New York.

Hands up, pinhead!

Dear Mom--

Hands up, pinhead!

Please send money.

Don 't worry, Mom, I'll pay you back soon.

I'm bound to get a job.

I'm a college graduate.

But first things first.

I got to get an apartment.

I hope I can get one really cheap.

$1,500 a month?

There's a hole in the ceiling.

It's a private atrium.

$1,100 a month for 300 square feet.

That's a sweet deal.

No vacancy.

$1,500 a month.

Nothing for that price range.

Try Nebraska.

Oh, my God, mister. Are you all right?

Two days, seven hours,

twenty-three minutes and four seconds.

That's how long I've been lying here.

Are you okay?

Of course not. I'm an artist.

I wanted to express how cold,

how pitiless this city really is.

Nobody touched you for two days?

Spitting doesn't count.

You must be from out of town.



-What's your name?


Walter. Walter Sh*t.

Walter Sh*t?



Looking for a place?

Something for $100 a month.

Hey, junior here thinks he's going to find

his own rent-controlled apartment!

Rent-controlled apartment?


A place where the rent's been frozen

since the 1950s.

Those places are hard to find

because no one ever leaves them.

Not unless the landlord gives them

a little help.

I love the real estate business.

They're tougher than they look.

See? There's really no way

to get a rent-controlled apartment.

No way at all?

I mean, only if

it's your mom's apartment...

and she croaks.

How you doing, Mrs. Grotowski?

Oh, my God!

Joe, Mrs. Grotowski doesn't have

any family.

You pose as her son, take her apartment.


I couldn't!

Oh, my God!


It's your mother!

And she's dead!

Thank you.

My first place!


Got to hide! Got to hide!

-Never seen him around before.

-Where's the old lady?

-Luggage! I don't like it!

-Stay undercover.

Right, another stupid human.

-Shut up!

-Can it, both of you.

Oh, no!

Yummy, yummy!

Damn. Ralph's out there. Poor sucker.

This is the greasiest,

ugliest bug I've ever seen in my life.

-Look at that.

-Our kind of guy.

He likes good living. That's for sure.

-He's not so bad.

-He's got potential.

Did you hear that? "Greasy."

Nice compliment.

I thought you was smushed for sure.

Who's out there?

Schlomo and Pauli, who else?

-Schlomo, I quit drinking.

-Me, too, Pauli.

Ever since I joined this health club.

It's a great lap pool.

Diver down.

We're gonna get drunk.

Hold on. He's having a taste

of Old Hound Dog instead.

I'll drink to that.

I can't tell you how happy I am

to be finally out on my own, Mom.

No, no thanks, Mom.

I can find a job by myself.

Look how easy I got a place.

Yes, Mom.

No, Mom. Right, Mom. Good, Mom.

Isn't his mom supposed to be dead?


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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Joe's Apartment" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 8 Dec. 2021. <'s_apartment_11346>.

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