JB Smoove: That's How I Dooz It Page #4

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Then the police

can't f*** with me!

You jogging.

There's a white man

on his treadmill,

a nosy-ass white man

on his treadmill next to you.

[Laughing sarcastically]

"Are you a new member?"

Shut the f*** up!

[Cheers and applause]

I'm training

to steal some sh*t, b*tch.

Give me that Goddamn iPod.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

You don't want to mess around

with no damn police.

You don't want to mess around

with the damn police, man.

Anybody been downtown before?

Anybody been arrested before?

Anybody been arrested?

Anybody been arrested before?

Anybody been arrested?

You don't want to admit it.

You been arrested?

Oh, hell, no, girl.

Been to jail before?

Been downtown, right?

You don't want to play around

with them damn cops, right?

You know the difference

between getting arrested

and going to jail, right?

It's two difference.

There's a damn difference

between going to jail

and getting arrested.

When you go to jail,

you go to jail.

You get arrested,

you get taken.

That mean you resisted,

or something happened.

Something got twisted, and the

cop treated you real bad, right?

When a cop got to chase

your ass,

he tackle you, right?

This is where it gets rough.

He put that damn knee

in your damn back like that.

Put that damn knee

in your back like that, right?

Put that damn knee

right there.

Yeah!

Got your ass now, yeah.

Right?

You give up.

You give up!

Right? You put your hand

behind your back.

"You got me, officer.

You got me.

You got me, officer."

And what he says?

"Yeah, I sure do."

Don't you ever,

when you get arrested,

put your hand

behind your back.

You always do this,

always do this.

And you squinch your face up

like this.

Like this.

[Squeals]

He gonna hit you hard as hell.

He gonna hit your ass hard.

If you do this to your face,

it reduces the pain by 45%,

like this.

"Here it come. Here it come.

Here it come!

Aah!"

I seen a cop hit a dude

so hard.

I mean, this cop was trying

to kill this dude.

Hit this guy so damn hard, man,

that he would hit himself

before he hit the damn suspect.

[Screaming]

"Ow!

"I'ma kill your ass!

Ow!"

They both need a ambulance.

"Oh, God.

Cop down! Cop down!"

"Have you been shot?"

"No! I hit myself in the back.

And my suspect is unconscious."

Cops don't be playing, man.

Then they get rough.

Then they get real rough.

Then they grab your ass.

They bend your wrist like this.

The first move, they bend

your damn wrist like this.

They push this wrist back

so Goddamn far, your toe hurt.

"Why's my toe hurting?

Ow.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,

ow, ow, ow, my toe!

Why is my toe hurting?"

The nerves from your wrist are

attached to your Goddamn toe.

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