JB Smoove: That's How I Dooz It Page #3

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That's like, your ass

work in an office, right?

You an accountant,

or you work in an office,

and your ass walking around

the damn office

with a Goddamn printer

on your f***ing belt.

Goddamn paper

and staplers and sh*t.

Go... Goddamn monitor...

Goddamn scanner.

All your sh*t is on your belt.

You walk around all day

with that,

all day with that sh*t

on your belt.

Your pants all low,

your pants all low,

'cause all that sh*t

heavy as hell.

You like, "Oh, sh*t,

I'm wearing low-riders

right now."

[Laughs]

Got all that sh*t.

You at Starbucks or somewhere,

you in a coffee shop,

trying to get

some Goddamn lunch,

all that sh*t on your belt, just

in case some business happens,

you know what I mean?

I'm glad I got

this Goddamn scanner with me.

[Imitates scanner whirring]

Thank God I brung

this damn printer.

You look at a cop, right?

You ever look

at a cop real good?

Look at a cop from head to toe.

Look at this... God damn.

Look at all that stupid sh*t.

They got tons of dumb sh*t

on that belt.

Tons of dumb-ass sh*t, right?

They got... the Goddamn gun.

They got a Goddamn Taser,

f***ing mace,

Goddamn ticket book,

f***ing whistles,

Godda...

Goddamn walkie-talkie

on that motherf***er.

F***ing lie detector,

DNA tester,

Breathalyzer,

got a f***ing Breathalyzer,

Goddamn coffee maker

on that motherf***er.

That's a whole lot

of bullshit.

When you hop out that

Goddamn car and start running,

the first thing a cop

is thinking is, "God damn.

"He gonna make me

chase his ass

with all this bullshit

on this belt!"

[Screams]

"God!"

[Thumping]

Coffee spilling.

[Shrieks]

"I'm gonna kill your ass!"

You got a backup cop

hanging over here...

a backup cop over here.

Another dude like...

[stammering]

"Make a left. Make a left.

Make a left."

[Thumping]

"Left, motherf***er.

Left, left, left, left."

"Your left, your left?

My left?"

"My left, motherf***er.

My left!"

You got to be in shape

to escape two damn cops, right?

If you want to steal, right,

have your ass in shape.

Don't be trying to steal sh*t

if your ass ain't in shape.

Right?

Your ass

got to be in shape to steal.

Get your ass in the gym.

Get your wind up.

Get your strength up, right?

You will frustrate the f***

out of a police officer

if he can't catch your ass.

"This guy's incredible.

"This guy knew

this day was gonna come.

"He is prepared for our ass.

I'm gonna run out of gas

on this motherf***er right now."

Get your ass in the gym.

Get in the Goddamn gym and get

on that f***ing treadmill.

You get

on that f***ing treadmill,

and you work that sh*t.

I'ma steal everything.

I'm gonna get

that Goddamn wind up.

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